Honest self-reflection, seeing our true selves, can feel threatening because it challenges the image that we have of ourselves now. It can often create conflict in how we confront flaws and past mistakes. It can also contradict our values, trigger vulnerability, and even fear of social consequences. All of which can hold us back from reaching our fullest potential.
In this essay, we explore compassionate objectivity. Objectivity is being unbiased, fair, and impartial. Objectivity is a practice and not a trait. The goal is more clarity, not perfect clarity.
We seek a balanced approach that supports clear-headed, fact-based assessments to make ethical and practical decisions. So, we need to step back, outside of ourselves, to gain an overall perspective on who we are.
Why is objectivity difficult?
To be more objective, you must first understand the impact of bias in decision-making and communication. Then, take steps to address your own biases.
We’ve discussed some common human biases in the January blogs. Below is a summary with links to the blog.
Why Seeing Yourself Clearly Is So Hard? This essay explored distortions or misjudgments in our self-perception. How do we know that what we don’t know is a valid question? Many of our decisions are unconscious or automatic. How can we uncover and confront them?
Solomon’s Paradox states that we make better decisions for others than we do for ourselves. The way to overcome this bias is through self-distancing. This requires us to step back from our immediate first-person perspective to view our thoughts, feelings, and past experiences through a detached lens. Often referred to as the “fly-on-the-wall” view.
The Role of Self-Distancing in Life Story Journaling, by Thomas Tarp
The Halo Effect is a bias in which we assume that one quality, such as attractiveness, affects all the other attributes of a person. Therefore, an attractive person appears to be perceived as more intelligent, kind, and capable. On the other hand, we also apply the Horn Effect to someone we find unattractive, assuming they have lesser qualities than an attractive person. These are not necessarily truths, but hidden biases.
Some biases are positive and helpful. They function as mental shortcuts in decision-making and aid our survival instincts. Our survival instincts require us to make immediate decisions and size up the other person to avoid danger, in which case we may favor safe options or something familiar.
Biases are a natural cognitive tool. They help us make quick choices when we have limited data. However, even when positive, we need to be aware of them, as they can create blind spots that can lead to poor judgment.
Here is a modern parallel, using a term for artificial intelligence (AI) called hallucinations. Because of the patterns it was trained on, an AI model confidently generates false information. As humans, we also gather, filter, and interpret data. Both AI and humans fill in the gaps when information is incomplete. Just as biases shape our interpretations, AI models also rely on shortcuts, patterns that sometimes mislead. In our case, the shortcuts we use often cause flaws in the outcome.
Self-assessment is difficult because we often do not want to acknowledge or own our unfair prejudices or inclinations towards or against something that affects our judgment. One of my credos is to face my demons. This means confronting and dealing with your deepest fears, insecurities, past traumas, and negative parts of yourself.
Here Are 5 Ways To Face Your Demons And Free Yourself From The Pain Of The Past, by Tony Fahkry
Hiding from yourself keeps you from finding yourself. Knowing who you are requires digging deep below the surface into your automatic, or unconscious, responses and acknowledging them. It is uncomfortable to face your demons because it takes us face-to-face with the good, the bad, and the ugly inside of us. Biases often protect us from discomfort by shielding us from truths we’re not yet ready to face.
How can you grow and reach your fullest potential if you are operating with limited information?
Tools for seeing yourself more clearly
There are four domains of self-observation: sensations, thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
Our mind-body awareness brings the unexplored to the surface. You want to notice your physical sensations, for example, fear, tension, or hunger. There is a strong mind-body connection, and these sensations are your mind communicating with your body. These sensations tell us a story that we often ignore.
Thought tracking is another observation strategy. Our minds wander and create stories about who we are. Capturing your thoughts can help you learn to better manage them and find clarity.
Naming your emotions as they arise and where you feel them in your body, or what causes the emotion, was it a defense, a fear? What were the origins of these feelings?
Observe your actions, what you do (or don’t do), and how your body and mind feel before, during, and after.
You cannot implement these strategies all at once. But you can start the habit of paying more attention. What works best for you for observing what you are doing, thinking, and feeling?
Better Ways to See Yourself Clearly, by Deepak Chopra
The Illusion of Self-Knowledge: Why We Misunderstand Ourselves
The Power of Feedback and Continuous Reflection
Self-clarity ritual, daily check-ins
Clarity rituals are structured practices that are often connected to mindfulness or journaling. These routines help us gain focus and clarity and connect with ourselves on a deeper level. And to seek alignment between our perceived selves and our true selves. These rituals can be quick 10-minute sessions or longer.
My self-clarity ritual has consistently been journaling. Not only does journaling help me answer my probing questions, but it also gives me an outlet to stream my thoughts. Then later, I can explore these thoughts to find clarity. Writing your thoughts externalizes them and reduces cognitive load.
So where do you start? Create a quiet space where you can think without interruption. You can pray, meditate, or write in a journal. Developing a ritual will help you ground yourself and can be used once a day or multiple times to connect with the here and now.
The 10-minute daily self-clarity ritual
- Anchor your awareness in the present moment, connect with your mind and body
- Observing what you are feeling without judgment
- Identify one actionable insight
- Close with self-compassion. This is not about beating yourself up, but about finding focus and clarity.
Concluding thoughts
The more you practice compassionate objectively, the more your inner world becomes a place of clarity rather than confusion.
The goal is to learn to pause and assess your thoughts and feelings at any moment. Develop strategies to uncover your biases and understand how they color your view of the world. Then, seek to know why you have these thoughts or emotions. As you do this, remind yourself of the biases you hold and explore them.
When we regularly observe these patterns, we interrupt our automatic responses and build new neural pathways. This supports healthier neural patterns.
As you learn to harness healthier neural patterns, you will begin to see the difference between the stories we tell ourselves and the actual experiencing self (present moment). Humans are natural storytellers, and these stories shape our identities. However, they are often incomplete or distorted. Becoming aware of your patterns and stories can help to retrain your brain, leading to a more flexible sense of identity.
Recommended reading
Defining Yourself Through Self-Assessment, by Linda L. Pilcher
Aware: The Power of Seeing Yourself Clearly, by Les Csorba
101 Reflections for the Hidden Mind: Quiet Truths for Seeing Yourself Clearly Again, by Zollie Dennis
Seeing Ourselves Clearly: A Psychological Exploration of Self-Awareness, Identity, and the Inner Life, by RJ Starr
Citations
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