What truly matters?
When thinking about the quality of your life, the main question should be what truly matters. Let’s play a game, using your imagination. Think about what you would do if you had all the money, you ever needed. If you could travel anywhere in the world that you wanted, would you go to the ancient pyramids in Egypt or the Eiffel Tower in Paris? Would you buy fancy clothes, big houses, boats, and cars? In this game, you can have everything you ever dreamed of, EXCEPT people. Everything you’ve ever wanted, but no one to share that life with. Does it look like a life you would like to live?
I present this scenario because we are asking what truly matters; the answer is people. Having people who love us and care about us is critical in bringing meaning and purpose to our lives.
It’s not just the people in our immediate circle that we need; we need people to survive in our communities: firefighters, police, nurses and doctors, teachers and ministers. If you think about all the people in your life who touched you, it’s an extensive network of people who help you survive and thrive.
What truly matters in seeking quality in our lives? We each need to define what quality is for ourselves. There is no time in our life that we don’t need people. Today’s essay is about the people and your quality of life. According to Kasley Killam, in her book The Art and Science of Connection, humans have a range of social needs, which include advice, information, practical help, opportunities to care for others, shared interests, and reassurance that we are worthy. Humans evolved a basic need for social connectedness, which was critical for survival. It is a need that is deeply rooted in our biology. Social health is necessary for our well-being.
How important are other people to you?
Having people in our lives is essential for several reasons. There are many positive effects of socializing. People can support us, care for us, and help us navigate our lives.
“Sometimes people come into your life for a moment, a day, or a lifetime. It matters not the time they spent with you but how they impacted your life in that time.” – Unknown
There are also negative effects of not maintaining a social network. Not having a social network and support is a source of chronic stress. Our view into this world was provided by the COVID-19 pandemic. We were all touched by this global event; people were sent home to work, and students to learn virtually. The social isolation was devastating for all of us, and our young and aged populations felt much of the impact. Aside from the pandemic, research shows that loneliness is on the rise.
We are living through a technological revolution like humans have never witnessed. Unlike any other generation before, there is a true communication disconnect affecting our social health. We need face-to-face human contact; it is how our brains are wired. In face-to-face communication, we build intimacy and trust. Seeing someone in person promotes a connection that technology cannot replicate. We communicate with more than our voices; in face-to-face conversation, we pick up on nonverbal cues, such as body language, voice tone, and eye contact, giving us a better read of the other person.
What truly matters is that we form connections with other people.
Our mental health is strongly affected by our relationships. Positive relationships boost our self-esteem. Interacting with others enhances our well-being and provides purpose and fulfillment. Having a social support system helps us navigate through our challenges and setbacks. People encourage us to live better lives. The lack of a social support system has a profound impact on our mental health, leading to isolation, loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
Strong social connections have been shown to have a substantial effect on our physical health by lowering our blood pressure, reducing stress, and boosting our immune system. Social connections are as important as diet, exercise, and sleep in helping us to ward off diseases. Healthy relationships can help us live longer and happier lives.
The Importance of Social Relationships to Physical and Mental Health, by High Country Behavioral Health
Having a sense of belonging reaches wider than our immediate social network. We get a sense of belonging through groups we belong to, work, clubs, organizations, and our communities. For some people, their church family provides a sense of belonging. In his book Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, Seth Godin explores the concept of leadership and community-building. He describes tribes as people connected by shared interests, values, or goals. These tribes are found anywhere people gather, including online communities. His book focuses on leadership and community-building, and leadership is a way to help motivate and work with people toward the good of the community. The feeling of belonging is present in all aspects of our social lives, including our home, work, and school. It involves our friends as we seek like-minded people to share our lives with and to connect on a deeper level.
Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health, by Mayo Clinic Staff
7 Science-Backed Reasons Why Friends are Important, by Vanessa Van Edwards
We need emotional support from the people around us. It may be comforting during challenging times or understanding and encouragement as we tackle life. Knowing someone is on our side helps us to grow, often providing a safety net. Emotional support helps us to develop different aspects of our lives.
Sharing our lives with others, the joys, the fun, and the dark days is necessary. We need each other; people are what matter the most in our lives. We need to be aware of these relationships, to nurture them, and to build stronger connections.
Who are some of the important people in your life?
Who are the individuals with whom you have shared memories and experiences? Who brightens your smile when you see them? Who holds your heart?
Our families, friends, and community are essential to us. But can you identify who and why they are important? In past blogs, I have talked a lot about gratitude. Do you tell the people you love that you love them? Do you appreciate them? Do you work on building stronger connections? What truly matters?
Make sure the important people in your life know they are important before it is too late.
As a dog person, our nonhuman companions are truly important to our social health as well. We bond with our pets; there is a loving connection, trust, and respect.
IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP…. Clipped from the newspaper – Unknown
- You feel respected as a person,
- Your physical and emotional needs are taken seriously,
- You share positive feelings for each other,
- You are appreciated and not taken for granted,
- You or your partner are not afraid to spend time alone,
- You listen and speak respectfully to one another,
- Trust is present,
- There is a sense of humor and play,
- Responsibilities are shared fairly and carried out,
- Your privacy is respected,
- You don’t fight for control, but share it,
- You and your partner can admit when you’re wrong,
- Both of you can ask for help from the other,
- You want to (and enjoy) spending time together,
- Changes in each partner are discussed and negotiated for growth,
- You feel good about yourself when you are in the relationship,
- Both partners have other sources of emotional support as well as each other,
- Love is a verb, not a noun – This feeling is demonstrated by both partners in the relationship
One other relationship is critical. It is your relationship with yourself; to be healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally, you must nurture this relationship.
Conclusion
How do we improve our relationships with people in our lives? Identify what relationships are vital. Slow down and take time to build and nurture the relationship. Actively listen to the other person without jumping in with your story; really listen.
“A person being too busy is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.” – Mandy Hale
Seek support from trusted people in your life, your family, friends, or professionals. Knowing you are supported significantly affects your mental well-being and quality of life. To build stronger relationships, you need to put in time and effort. You should also provide the support the other person needs.
Face-to-face communication holds unique benefits that digital interactions cannot provide. Texting is not a strong method for building relationships that matter. Social health is necessary for our well-being and is something you can cultivate and nurture to build quality relationships and connections.
Recommended Reading
The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier, by Kasley Killam
The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, by Priya Parker
Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, by Seth Godin
Citations
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