We live within social structures for our survival. Relying on families, communities, regions, states, and countries to survive and thrive. Humans need other humans for many reasons. Our communities provide food, shelter, and safety. Our families provide love and nurturing to guide us to adulthood. People Matter Most!
Relationships are fundamental to human experience; they shape our identities and influence our emotions. This has a direct impact on our overall well-being. These connections are a crucial part of our lives, as they provide emotional support. We need someone to share our lives with, our joys and sorrows. Relationships can promote a sense of belonging and security.
“Community connectedness is not just about warm fuzzy tales of civic triumph. In measurable and well-documented ways, social capital makes an enormous difference in our lives…Social capital makes us smarter, healthier, safer, richer, and better able to govern a just and stable democracy.”
Robert D. Putnam
People need social skills; these essential life skills are vital for maintaining healthy relationships. We also need these skills to succeed in areas of our lives, such as education and professional careers.
According to David Brooks, How to Know a Person, relationships, community, friendship, and social connection are important. The real act of building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small concrete social actions well. We could call these people social skills, emotional intelligence, or social intelligence.
The psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs highlights the importance of belonging. According to David Brooks, human beings need recognition as much as they need food and water. Brooks also states that the worst sin toward our fellow creature is not to hate them but to be indifferent to them; that is the essence of inhumanity. Sending the message you don’t matter, you don’t exist. We need each other to survive and thrive, and we seek validation.
When we meet someone for the first time, our brains quickly process a lot of information to form an initial impression. We size up a person in the first few minutes of contact, paying close attention to body language, facial expressions, eye contact, and posture. What are we looking for? Is this person confident, trustworthy, and credible? Are they open, nervous, or shy? Are they friends or foes? Their appearance tells us something about them. We make assumptions about their personality and social status based on their appearance. Their tone of voice, actions, and behaviors. Reading the person we just met is all done unconsciously, as it is built into our survival strategies.
Social intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others in social interactions. It involves being aware of social dynamics, reading social cues, and responding appropriately to different social situations. Our personal experiences, beliefs, and biases influence how we perceive others. It all comes back to being self-aware, what we are thinking, how we are judging, and why we are judging. Our survival is why we do it; we have evolved to be hyper-aware of our environment and contact with others.
Social intelligence is crucial for success in our personal and professional lives. It is our ability to understand, manage, and navigate social interactions effectively. It involves our interpersonal skills, emotional intelligence and ability to interpret social cues.
Interpersonal Communication or Social Skills
We are sent to school to learn how to navigate society and to gain skills needed to manage our own lives. We also go to school to learn how to socialize. A critical life skill. Skills you need to be successful, to find meaning and happiness in your life are:
Actively listening to a person plays a vital role in building stronger social connections by improving communication. When people believe you are listening, trust is built. If you are having a conversation with another and you are not listening, interrupting their discussion, or letting your emotions control the situation; you are closing the door to honest communication.
Reading and understanding nonverbal cues is essential for effective communication. We unconsciously pick up on small movements of a person’s face. Other cues are their body language; a person with arms crossed tightly across their chest is like armor against you. People often send mixed messages, such as saying yes but shaking their head as if the answer is no. Nonverbal cues have a much higher impact than the spoken word. For example, eye contact shows you are engaged and interested in the conversation. We are more likely to trust nonverbal cues.
What do you hear in their voice? Tone of voice conveys emotions that words alone might not express. A person’s tone can express happiness, frustration, or fear. Listening to their tone gives you a deeper feeling for what they are saying.
Expressing empathy helps to foster connections. By understanding and sharing someone’s emotions, we create a sense of closeness and mutual respect. Empathy allows us to see things from another person’s perspective. When someone feels heard and understood, they are more open to engagement. It is not just a skill, but a way of showing care and understanding towards others.
These skills come naturally for some, but others may need to work hard to improve their social skills. Your social connections are your lifeline; if people matter the most, you want to invest time and effort into these relationships.
How do we get better at connecting or communicating?
Let’s do an exercise to explore what is most important when it comes to the people in our lives. Answer the following questions to help you find clarity.
Who are the most important people in your life?
Why are they the most important people in your life?
Are you nurturing those relationships?
What value do you bring to these relationships?
Are you building new relationships?
So, how do we become better communicators? Get out and socialize. Go to family events or organize the event. Reach out to the people in your life; people want to be valued; there is no better way to show this than by spending time with them. We make time for what matters most. Picking up the phone, or making a lunch date, keeping connected requires effort. Invest in the people who matter most in your life.
Another way to increase your communication skills is by joining Toastmasters International a nonprofit educational organization that operates clubs worldwide for the purpose of helping people develop communication, public speaking, and leadership skills. You can find local clubs or virtual clubs in your area. This is a safe place to learn better communication skills and to practice them in a safe environment. It is fun, and you can meet new people.
Conclusion
Relationships are a main ingredient of a fulfilling life. Our relationships provide emotional support and encourage personal growth. They contribute to our overall health and happiness. To be successful in our personal and professional relationships, we need a set of social tools that help us read and understand other people and regulate our emotions. By being more aware of our emotions, tone, body language, and gestures, we can engage in deeper, more authentic connections.
We make an initial assessment within seconds to minutes of meeting someone. Again, it is a survival mechanism – is there a person friendly or hostile? We are reading their nonverbal cues as much as listening to their words. It is important to stay open-minded and allow yourself to get to know this person on a deeper level. These assessments take place in our close personal relationships; is this person happy or sad, calm or angry? What are their nonverbal cues telling us today? You will be a better communicator when you become more aware of these nonverbal cues. Communication is our way of connecting to the important people in our lives.
In his book Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam points out that over the last couple of decades we have had what he calls social capital, a loss of human connection. We see it every day, a family at the restraint with their cell phones in front of their faces. However, it runs deeper, and people are less involved in social and community activities. Why are they not talking to each other? Why is what’s on Facebook or in the news so much more important than spending quality time with your family – face-to-face? We each need to ask these questions. What truly matters? How are we spending our time and energy?
Recommended Reading
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, by David Brooks
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, by Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, by Daniel Goleman
The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier, by Kasley Killam
Citations
Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash
Photo by Katarzyna Grabowska on Unsplash