“Sometimes we make the process more complicated than we need to. We will never make a journey of a thousand miles by fretting about how long it will take or how hard it will be. We make the journey by taking each day step by step and then repeating it again and again until we reach our destination.”
– Joseph B. Wirthlin
We have looked at the different components of psychological and emotional well-being during this blog series in October, which has included our physical, mental, and emotional lives. We have also looked at self-realization, the point at which we bring it all together and take control of our lives and our psychological health. A place where we find emotional resilience, which is the ability to bounce back from difficulty and maintain emotional well-being.
The American Psychological Association defines resilience as the process and outcome of successfully adapting to challenging life experiences, primarily through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility, as well as the ability to respond to external and internal demands.
Many factors explain our individual differences in the ability to adapt to adversity, including how individuals view the world and relate to it, available social resources, and specific coping strategies. If you are passively drifting through life, life will overwhelm you. Taking responsibility for managing your life is essential to designing a better life. Being healthy physically and mentally is the foundation of a good life.
Psychological research proves that the resources and skills associated with resilience can be developed and practiced. We build resilience in various ways: by strengthening our social connections, developing coping skills, maintaining our physical health, and recognizing that rest is essential to our ability to handle change and adversity.
The goal should be to challenge negative thinking, practice gratitude, strengthen positive relationships, and learn healthy coping skills.
Psychological Health and Coping Skills
Developing coping strategies leads to resilience. We all experience stress; it is a normal part of life. Finding a way to manage stress is critical to our health. Improving coping skills can help you prevent health issues and maintain a positive mental outlook. It also leads to emotional regulation and stability.
Resilience supports our physical health by strengthening our immune system; it supports adaptability and learning from experience. Resilience strengthens relationships. Therefore, we enjoy life and are more satisfied with life. Yet, even with strong coping skills, external noise can erode our peace.
“Resilience is a precious skill. People who have it have three advantages: a belief they can influence life events, a tendency to find meaning and purpose in Life’s turmoil, and a conviction they can learn from positive and negative experiences.”
– Amanda Ripley
What do you have control over?
Learning to concentrate on what is in your control will add more value to your life and help you become stronger. Self-development grants you the keys to maintaining your lifestyle, habits, and choices in life with great ease and strength. You can take control of your life by focusing on what you have control over and avoiding unnecessary anxiety and stress.
Identify what is causing you stress, and first, ask yourself why. Then ask yourself what you can do to reduce that stress. Stress can come from a person, your job, or sometimes an imagined event that has not yet happened. We can create scenarios in our minds that cause stress. These scenarios could be something that might happen, but we do not control all situations. Are you concerned about keeping your job or losing a relationship? Our minds are powerful; our thoughts can either stress us or relax us, even before the situation has occurred.
The media is one of our sources of stress and anxiety. Harnessing your thoughts and feelings is a management tool that helps you focus on what is within your circle of control. So, first, let’s look at what you cannot control; we will use the news as an example. We all have access to news 24/7 via our cell phones, iPads, TVs, and then we have the people around us telling us what we have already read or heard in the news. The noise is overpowering and insistent.
The media is attempting to grab your attention amidst all the distractions to get you to consume their news. So, they have sensationalized headlines to scare you or to excite you. And we fall for it. What are we going to encounter when we look at the news? Mass shootings, climate change, potential war, and the possibility of an asteroid hitting Earth, or World War III starting, along with a few puff stories to make us feel good. Stories about artificial intelligence taking over the world, the worst earthquake in human history, bubonic plague, bird flu; these are all beyond our control, and the odds of these sensationalized headlines becoming reality are not a reality we need to worry about. Yet, we sometimes worry. It is a nagging feeling that something bad is going to happen. Let it go. You cannot control it.
So, what truly matters?
- Understanding your emotions, strengths, and weaknesses through self-awareness.
- Managing and controlling one’s emotional responses through self-regulation.
- Confidence, optimism, and a positive attitude are essential for managing your internal resources.
- Social support, community connections, and access to resources. Building a strong external support system is essential to your psychological health.
Self-awareness for emotional intelligence, by Workplace Strategies for Mental Health
Self-regulation for adults: Strategies for getting a handle on emotions and behavior, by Lisa Catanese (Harvard Health Publishing)
Positive thinking: Stop negative self-talk to reduce stress, by Healthy Lifestyle Mayo Clinic Staff
Social Support: Getting and Staying Connected, by Mental Health America
Distraction as a tool
The key to building resilience through distraction is intentional engagement, adopting activities that restore rather than suppress emotions. This means exploring how play, creativity, and movement can change our focus. We do not, and should not, ignore our stressors; instead, we should take a step back to take inventory of what is causing stress and why we are feeling stressed. In moving between focus and restoration, resilience grows naturally.
Resilience relates to both individuals and groups. It is needed in communities, workplaces, and relationships. The presence of collective wisdom and support strengthens resilience, increasing our ability to endure and recover.
The world we live in can be overpowering and insistent. Keep your energy focused on what truly matters and what is within your control. We cannot control every aspect of life. So let it go, be aware of what is happening, but also be aware that you cannot change what is out of your control. For example, the weather, news, and changes in your workplace are going to happen whether or not you worry about them. Work on what you can influence. By doing so, you will create a more fulfilling life, creating quality instead of raw, uncontrolled emotions.
Final thoughts
“You know that you’ve mastered a core life lesson when the circumstances have not changed but the way you respond has.”
– Tony Fahkry
How we respond to life is based on our thinking. We have the power to design the life we want, but it takes work. Our minds are flexible and can adapt to new thoughts and lifestyle patterns. Life is messy and filled with uncertainty and obstacles. Resilience is a strength that we all need to manage our daily lives. To be successful, to be happy requires us to learn to navigate the chaos of the world.
You learn resilience by developing adaptive skills, building supportive relationships, and practicing emotional regulation in the face of adversity. Resilience isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a collection of learnable traits that help you overcome obstacles.
Building resilience is essential for overall well-being because it enhances stress management, promotes mental and emotional stability, supports physical health, encourages personal growth, strengthens relationships, and increases life satisfaction. By developing resilience, individuals can navigate life’s challenges more effectively and lead a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Mastering resilience through practical goal setting is crucial for personal growth. By setting clear and meaningful goals, you develop a plan of action for achieving your hopes, plans, and dreams. By improving resilience, you develop the strength to overcome challenges and setbacks.
Being a person who’s dealt with chronic illness my entire life, I am not blinded by the fact that in your dark days, things look different; things feel different. However, you need to have control over your mind and thoughts. You have control over what you can do in your life, how you respond, and how you design each day.
Life is like a roller coaster; it is full of challenges. Some days, we are on the way up, and on other days, we are looking at a deep decline, but in the long run, it balances out.
Building resilience and learning strategies for coping is about living intentionally, finding grounding in your life, and discovering a purpose that you believe deeply in, one that will carry you through these challenging days. Life is always going to hand us challenges. You can either face them head-on or try to hide or ignore them.
As we approach a new year and a new start, set a goal to learn new coping skills to improve your resilience.
“You know that you’ve mastered a core life lesson when the circumstances have not changed but the way you respond has.”
– Tony Fahkry
Recommended Reading
Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness, by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., and Forrest Hanson
Dealing with Uncertainty: The art and science of resilience and decision-making, by Laurie Bowman
Rules of Resilience: 10 Ways Successful People Get Better, Wiser, and Stronger, by Valorie Burton, Forward by John C. Maxwell.
Emotional Resilience: 7 Principles to Overcome Stress, Fear and Adversity, by Joel Lamour
Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters, by John C. Maxwell
Citations
Photo by Eduardo Flores on Unsplash
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Photo by Pedro Sanz on Unsplash