Human interaction is vital to our well-being. Social engagement can boost our mood and make us happy. We do not live in isolation; we need people to survive, thrive, innovate, and find purpose in our existence. Intentional socializing is not about quantity; it is about quality. As we set our intentional social goals, one of our priorities is relationships.
A strong social support system that nourishes your soul and contributes to your mental health. Intentional engagement can reduce feelings of loneliness. Meaningful relationships provide emotional support.
Intentional living involves making conscious choices that align with your values, beliefs, and aspirations. Setting goals helps us stop drifting through life, allowing us to shape our lives and relationships actively.
Intentional goals for social engagement include social intelligence, which is understanding the world of engagement, as well as your communication skills toolbox. Yes, you can improve your social skills. So, let’s set some goals today.
“I am a part of all that I have met.”
Lord Tennyson
Relationships need to be nurtured – set goals for the critical relationships in your life. Just as we seek clarity in our educational or financial goals, we also need to seek clarity in our relationships. Essential relationships in your life should be a high priority.
Let’s look at some components of relationships and social engagement so we can set goals for improving our current relationships and building new ones. We will look at the definitions of social intelligence, play, and loneliness.
Social Intelligence
Social intelligence is the ability to understand the skills we need to live well in the world. In Daniel Goleman’s book, Social Intelligence, he discusses social awareness, which is a spectrum that runs from instantaneously sensing another’s inner state to understanding their feelings and thoughts to getting through complicated social situations. Social intelligence is learned through experience with people and learning from both successes and failures.
People who are good at social interactions understand the different social roles and norms that govern interaction. They are good at listening and helping others to feel connected after interactions. They pay attention to other behaviors and words. Socially intelligent people are aware of the impression they create balancing authenticity with managing how others perceive them.
Goleman lays out what social awareness entails. Feeling what others feel and sensing their nonverbal emotional signals is our primary empathy. Attunement is our skill of listening to others with complete receptivity, attuning to that person’s communication. Empathetic accuracy relates to our understanding of another person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions. In any social situation, we read non-verbal signals and verbal signals, taking a reading of the other person. Their facial expressions, hand gestures, and how they hold their bodies are all a part of the communication process. It is also necessary to know how the social world works, with is our social cognition.
Goleman discusses how sensing how others feel or knowing what they think or intend does not guarantee successful interaction. Another term that Goleman uses is social facility, which is how we build social awareness to allow for more effective communication. Social facility includes synchrony, which means interacting smoothly at a nonverbal level. How effective are we at presenting ourselves, and what type of influence do we have on shaping social interaction? The concern about others’ needs and acting accordingly. In essence, the ability to read and sense another person’s emotions, even when they stop sending signals. We all experience an understanding of other feelings or emotions without them saying a word. You ask your friend if something is wrong, even when they have not told you about any problems. You feel their feelings.
Play
Play in childhood is how we learn to navigate the social world. According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, play is defined as activities that appear to be freely sought and pursued solely for the sake of individual or group enjoyment.
Play is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. Engaging in play brings joy, vitality, and resilience to a relationship. Through regular play, we learn to trust one another and feel safe. By spending more time playing, we can enhance our social connections to flourish.
As adults, getting together with friends for a meal, having coffee, playing a board game, or taking a dance class are forms of play. It could be as simple as a playful conversation. Play is a time to forget about work and commitments and to be social in a creative or unstructured way. It is a way of cultivating happiness.
“Think back to the most important experiences of your life, the highest highs, the greatest victories, the most daunting obstacles overcome. How many happened to you alone? I bet there are very few. When you understand that being connected to others is one of life’s greatest joys, you realize that life’s best comes when you initiate and invest in solid relationships.”
John C. Maxwell
The Loneliness Epidemic
According to a 2018 survey conducted by Cigna, 48% of Generation Zers surveyed identified as lonely, 69% felt as though people around them are not “with them” and 68% feel like “nobody truly knows them.” Other generations also identified as being lonely overall. Millennials came in at 45%, Gen X came in at 45%, Boomers came in at 42%.
Loneliness is a factor that leads to psychiatric disorders and has been linked to heart disease, stroke, and Alzheimer’s disease. So, being lonely can lead to a decline in the quality of your life. This is a good reason to gain better communication skills, to connect with others.
The COVID pandemic left a mark across the world, as people were sent home to work and attend school via Zoom. Many people felt loneliness for the first time, and there is still a lingering mark from this global event. Too many people are living much of their days in a virtual world.
Social engagement reduces loneliness and contribute to mental health and well-being.
10 Tips for How to Make Friends, by Dr. John Delony
Can you develop stronger social intelligence?
Yes, you can. Social intelligence is a skill that can be developed. Developing social intelligence is an intentional goal. It is a natural skill for some, but anyone can learn it.
Observe your surroundings and watch people interact. Pay attention to their body language and any unspoken signals. Take note of individuals who excel in social situations. What are they doing to engage with others and create meaningful connections?
Learn more about emotional intelligence, which involves managing your own emotions and empathizing with others. Communication is about emotions; be aware of your own feelings, which will help with recognizing the emotions in others.
Improve your communication skills. Listening is one of the most important of these skills. Truly listen when others speak, understanding their perspectives and feelings. Work on your ability to engage in meaningful conversations, show some vulnerability, and open up to others to help them open up to you. Be yourself; we all want to present a positive impression, but do not compromise your authenticity.
“Friendship is based on the oldest and most intrinsic human awareness that there is more to life than just ourselves.”
Christopher Hansard
Join a social group or organization. These opportunities can expand your personal and professional growth, introduce you to more people, and allow you to practice your communication skills. Let me plug in for Toastmasters International, a nonprofit organization that helps people develop communication, public speaking, and leadership skills. It is a club where people meet regularly to give speakers education and feedback in a safe, supportive environment while working on improving their communication skills, including nonverbal skills.
Relationships
Connecting with others requires you to reach out, have conversations, give of yourself, and to have an interest in the other person. For example, friendship is not a one-way road, social engagement is how a person connects with others in a community. You can think of it as social involvement or social participation; the degree that you identify, interact with, and emotionally link with another.
One of the most important determinants of living a long life is flourishing close relationships and being involved in your community. Social engagements are vital to fighting loneliness, preventing cognitive decline, and having a good quality of life. Strong relationships also help you recover from stress, anxiety, or depression. The bottom line is that we need to be connected to others.
As with other areas of intentional living, we want to become aware of the relationships with family and friends, of our roles in the community. Our social interactions promote a sense of belonging and community.
100 Social Goal Ideas To Help Develop Your Social Life, by Richard Coward
Conclusion
In 1963, the poet TS Elliot warned that the new medium was spreading into homes, permitting millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time yet remaining lonesome. We often stay at arm’s length, and it has only become worse as the Internet, iPhones, and iPads have taken over our lives.
Goleman states that civilization is in the midst of vast singularity. We live in a meta world, but the issues that matter most are family, community, and social responsibility. We all see it when we go to a restaurant; entire families have phones to their faces, with no contact with the family around them. People actually text each other when they are in the same room. This is a social disconnect we must become aware of and address in our lives. Is Facebook more important than the person sitting across from you? In a world of virtual interactions, let’s prioritize human connection—it’s essential for our well-being.
We need to devote more time and energy to being with people in our lives that we find most nourishing and reducing the number of emotionally toxic interactions we have in our day. Toxic relationships can drag you down. Be aware of these emotional connections. Remember, we design the life we want by the choices we make.
Set goals for developing stronger social intelligence and skills. Get out with people and practice, play, or join an organization. Put your phone down and look at the other person. Connect!
Intentional living and purposeful socialization are powerful tools for a happier, healthier life. Set your goals, embrace authenticity, and connect with intention.
Let’s Get Intentional!
Recommended Reading
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, by Daniel Goleman
The Loneliness Workbook: A Guide to Developing and Maintaining Lasting Connections, by Mary Ellen Copeland
Feeling alone? 5 tips to create connection and combat loneliness, by Allison Aubrey
6 ways you can enhance social connections for Social Wellness, by Jen Fisher
Citations
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