“The difference of who you are today and who you want to be is what you do.”
– Bill Phillips
Ask yourself the following questions: “Who am I?” and “What defines me?” We may think these are easy questions to answer and that we have a good grasp on our identity and what comprises it. However, our identities are not inherent and fixed. Our identities are dynamic and are always a work in progress. Our identity is formed by several processes and interactions.
Our identity is like a fingerprint, unique to each of us. It is who we are today. It is the sum of all our life experiences. These experiences shape our perspective. Our self-perception is a lens through which we view our identity; our self-concept, self-esteem, and self-efficacy.
Our self-identity is how we perceive and define ourselves. It is essentially our story. We create our self-identity through all the components of how we live our lives, our lifestyles, habits, and daily decisions. It is about personal uniqueness expressed via our values, beliefs, and opinions. The tapestry of you is a work of art, and a work in progress; combining how you think, feel, and behave. What activities do you enjoy, and what are you passionate about? Your goals and ambitions, what aspire you to achieve in your personal and professional lives.
Our identity evolves over time, and the good news is we have a lot of control if we are willing to take responsibility, be aware of ourselves and our environment, and put some effort into this story.
Layers of ourselves
There are many layers to our identity. Today, we will look at a few; personal, cultural, and social identity.
Personal
Cultural (Dominant and Co-Cultural)
Cultural identity is the way we see ourselves within a collective group and how we think others perceive us within the group. There are dominant cultural practices, beliefs, or values that are commonly practiced in most societies, promoting a sense of belonging to a nation or country. Then there are co-cultures, which are groups that exist within the dominant structure but maintain unique cultural practices. Some examples of co-cultures are ethnic minorities, gender, or various religious groups. Sometimes, we have identity conflicts between the dominant and the co-cultures. Your professional or digital identity could also be co-cultural.
“The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing changes, and yet everything is completely different.”
-Aldous Huxley
Cultures have their unique identities, through language, traditions, customs, art and music, and food. Appearance that may be tied to traditional fashion or items that signify cultural heritage. If you were traveling from the Appalachian Mountains to Salt Lake City, Utah, you would feel the cultural shift. Although we all basically live in modern cities that look alike, with Wendy’s, McDonald’s, and Walmart. How the people live within the cities or regions can vary. I moved from Los Angeles, California to Hampton Roads, Virginia, and experienced a major cultural shock, and for a while felt so out of place, as the regional cultures were very different. Yet, I most likely have absorbed parts of each culture into my personal identity.
There are cultural events that become a part of a community collective or shared memory such as COVID, and more recently, the disaster caused by the Helene Hurricane. These types of events will shape people’s experiences and memories.
Social
Much of our identity is shaped through social interactions. Our social identity is just as important as the other two layers of identity. Social identity is a part of our self-concept, which is obtained from our memberships in social groups. These groups could be families, friends, work groups, clubs, or our community. We have many social roles, such as parent, friend, or community leader, that are also a part of our social identity. As part of these groups, we are expected to follow the social norms of the group.
The Social Equation – Balancing Connections for Well-Being
What Truly Matters? People Matter Most!
Personal Identity Statement
A personal identity statement is a way to visualize and define yourself; who are you? The more you understand yourself, the better life decisions you can make. Your statement can define who you are now and who you want to be in the future. Define what success, happiness, and life satisfaction look like to you. What gives your life purpose and meaning?
Start with self-reflection: Who are you? What are your character traits, principles, and values? You are telling your story. What experiences or events affected your life choices? How is your identity tied to your short and long-term goals? Be authentic and include the real you.
Your personal identity statement will change over time, with your personal growth and a deeper understanding of who you want to be. Writing a statement will give you some perspective as you change and grow. Review and rewrite as needed.
Learning to Identify Who You Are, by Intelligent Change
The Power of Perception: How Reality Shapes Goal Achievement and Wellbeing
Take Responsibility for the Quality of Your Life
Write your story
You are the author of your story
Rewrite Your Story. Embracing the Blank Page of Possibility!
Designing the life, you want by the choices you make
The Art of Self-Reflection: Defining Your Worldview
Conclusion
Who am I? This question is personal and profound; it involves a lifetime of likes and dislikes, passions, visions, hopes, plans, and dreams. Is it my perception of myself that defines me or others’ views? I vote for my perception, yet that does not make it true.
Yes, others influence us.
What does your mother see when she looks into your eyes? Her daughter or son, your hopes, plans, and dreams. She sees the most important person in her life.
- Your significant other may see you as a companion or soulmate.
- Your children see you as a parent.
- In your workplace, you are a co-worker.
- The church community sees you as a worshipper.
- Teachers see you as a student.
- Your best friend sees who you are and accepts who you are.
“Perception is all” suggests that how we see and interpret the world shapes our reality. Your experiences, beliefs, emotions, and expectations create your unique lens. Two people can experience the same event but perceive it differently because of their individual life experiences and perspectives. It’s like wearing different glasses that tint your view of everything around you.
This concept is powerful because it reminds us that by changing our perception, we can change our reality. It’s a reminder to question our assumptions and consider other viewpoints. How do you think your perceptions shape your experiences?
“We’re all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale, most of these choices are on lesser points. But we define ourselves by the choices we have made. We are, in fact, the sum total of our choices. Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that gives meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more.”
-Woody Allen
We each have a distinct personal identity that has developed over time. There are also many elements that create a shared sense of identity. Abraham Maslow developed a pyramid of human needs, and belonging is one of our primary needs. Our social network supports our way of life and is the base of our survival.
Answering the question, who am I, requires you to understand the many layers of self. In essence, self-perception is the key to unlocking a deeper understanding of ourselves and navigating our place in the world. It’s like looking in a mirror that shows not just our reflection, but the essence of who we are. How do you think your self-perception has shaped your journey so far?
Dominant vs. co-culture. We live within the framework of the US culture, but the co-cultures enrich our society with diversity and perspectives. We have many labels for ourselves. Some are defined by us, and other labels are defined by others. Each person you interact with only sees parts of who you are, and their labels for you might differ.
Finding the way back to you – 9 tips on how to find yourself, by Allaya Cooks-Campbell
You are a work in progress. Learn to define yourself today so you can grow tomorrow.
Recommended Reading
The Fabric of Time: How Our Perceptions Shape Reality (Hidden Layers: Unraveling the Complexities of Human Experience), by Parker Rowan
The Experience Machine: How Our Minds Predict and Shape Reality, by Andy Clark
Perception: How Our Bodies Shape Our Minds, Dennis Proffitt, and Drake Baer
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