Quality of Life: The Secret Ingredient is Connection

What truly matters?

When thinking about the quality of your life, the main question should be what truly matters. Let’s play a game, using your imagination. Think about what you would do if you had all the money, you ever needed. If you could travel anywhere in the world that you wanted, would you go to the ancient pyramids in Egypt or the Eiffel Tower in Paris? Would you buy fancy clothes, big houses, boats, and cars? In this game, you can have everything you ever dreamed of, EXCEPT people. Everything you’ve ever wanted, but no one to share that life with. Does it look like a life you would like to live?

“The important people in our lives leave imprints. They may stay or go in the physical realm, but they are always there in your heart, because they helped form your heart. There’s no getting over that.” - Rachel Cohn

I present this scenario because we are asking what truly matters; the answer is people. Having people who love us and care about us is critical in bringing meaning and purpose to our lives.

It’s not just the people in our immediate circle that we need; we need people to survive in our communities: firefighters, police, nurses and doctors, teachers and ministers. If you think about all the people in your life who touched you, it’s an extensive network of people who help you survive and thrive.

What truly matters in seeking quality in our lives? We each need to define what quality is for ourselves. There is no time in our life that we don’t need people. Today’s essay is about the people and your quality of life. According to Kasley Killam, in her book The Art and Science of Connection, humans have a range of social needs, which include advice, information, practical help, opportunities to care for others, shared interests, and reassurance that we are worthy. Humans evolved a basic need for social connectedness, which was critical for survival. It is a need that is deeply rooted in our biology. Social health is necessary for our well-being.

How important are other people to you?

Having people in our lives is essential for several reasons. There are many positive effects of socializing. People can support us, care for us, and help us navigate our lives.

“Sometimes people come into your life for a moment, a day, or a lifetime. It matters not the time they spent with you but how they impacted your life in that time.” – Unknown

There are also negative effects of not maintaining a social network. Not having a social network and support is a source of chronic stress. Our view into this world was provided by the COVID-19 pandemic. We were all touched by this global event; people were sent home to work, and students to learn virtually. The social isolation was devastating for all of us, and our young and aged populations felt much of the impact. Aside from the pandemic, research shows that loneliness is on the rise.

We are living through a technological revolution like humans have never witnessed. Unlike any other generation before, there is a true communication disconnect affecting our social health. We need face-to-face human contact; it is how our brains are wired. In face-to-face communication, we build intimacy and trust. Seeing someone in person promotes a connection that technology cannot replicate. We communicate with more than our voices; in face-to-face conversation, we pick up on nonverbal cues, such as body language, voice tone, and eye contact, giving us a better read of the other person.

What truly matters is that we form connections with other people.

Our mental health is strongly affected by our relationships. Positive relationships boost our self-esteem. Interacting with others enhances our well-being and provides purpose and fulfillment. Having a social support system helps us navigate through our challenges and setbacks. People encourage us to live better lives. The lack of a social support system has a profound impact on our mental health, leading to isolation, loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life without it..it dies.” - Tony Gaskins

Strong social connections have been shown to have a substantial effect on our physical health by lowering our blood pressure, reducing stress, and boosting our immune system. Social connections are as important as diet, exercise, and sleep in helping us to ward off diseases. Healthy relationships can help us live longer and happier lives.

The Importance of Social Relationships to Physical and Mental Health, by High Country Behavioral Health

Having a sense of belonging reaches wider than our immediate social network. We get a sense of belonging through groups we belong to, work, clubs, organizations, and our communities. For some people, their church family provides a sense of belonging. In his book Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, Seth Godin explores the concept of leadership and community-building. He describes tribes as people connected by shared interests, values, or goals. These tribes are found anywhere people gather, including online communities. His book focuses on leadership and community-building, and leadership is a way to help motivate and work with people toward the good of the community. The feeling of belonging is present in all aspects of our social lives, including our home, work, and school. It involves our friends as we seek like-minded people to share our lives with and to connect on a deeper level.

Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health, by Mayo Clinic Staff

7 Science-Backed Reasons Why Friends are Important, by Vanessa Van Edwards

We need emotional support from the people around us. It may be comforting during challenging times or understanding and encouragement as we tackle life. Knowing someone is on our side helps us to grow, often providing a safety net. Emotional support helps us to develop different aspects of our lives.

Sharing our lives with others, the joys, the fun, and the dark days is necessary. We need each other; people are what matter the most in our lives. We need to be aware of these relationships, to nurture them, and to build stronger connections.

Who are some of the important people in your life?

“You don’t know who is important to you until you actually lose them.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Who are the individuals with whom you have shared memories and experiences? Who brightens your smile when you see them? Who holds your heart?

Our families, friends, and community are essential to us. But can you identify who and why they are important? In past blogs, I have talked a lot about gratitude. Do you tell the people you love that you love them? Do you appreciate them? Do you work on building stronger connections? What truly matters?

Make sure the important people in your life know they are important before it is too late.

Picture of a dog

As a dog person, our nonhuman companions are truly important to our social health as well. We bond with our pets; there is a loving connection, trust, and respect.

IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP…. Clipped from the newspaper –  Unknown

  • You feel respected as a person,
  • Your physical and emotional needs are taken seriously,
  • You share positive feelings for each other,
  • You are appreciated and not taken for granted,
  • You or your partner are not afraid to spend time alone,
  • You listen and speak respectfully to one another,
  • Trust is present,
  • There is a sense of humor and play,
  • Responsibilities are shared fairly and carried out,
  • Your privacy is respected,
  • You don’t fight for control, but share it,
  • You and your partner can admit when you’re wrong,
  • Both of you can ask for help from the other,
  • You want to (and enjoy) spending time together,
  • Changes in each partner are discussed and negotiated for growth,
  • You feel good about yourself when you are in the relationship,
  • Both partners have other sources of emotional support as well as each other,
  • Love is a verb, not a noun – This feeling is demonstrated by both partners in the relationship

One other relationship is critical. It is your relationship with yourself; to be healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally, you must nurture this relationship.  

Conclusion

Research shows us that loneliness is on the rise and that a lack of human connection can be more harmful to your health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure.

“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.” - Stephen R. Covey

How do we improve our relationships with people in our lives? Identify what relationships are vital. Slow down and take time to build and nurture the relationship. Actively listen to the other person without jumping in with your story; really listen.

“A person being too busy is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.” – Mandy Hale

Seek support from trusted people in your life, your family, friends, or professionals. Knowing you are supported significantly affects your mental well-being and quality of life. To build stronger relationships, you need to put in time and effort. You should also provide the support the other person needs.

Face-to-face communication holds unique benefits that digital interactions cannot provide. Texting is not a strong method for building relationships that matter. Social health is necessary for our well-being and is something you can cultivate and nurture to build quality relationships and connections.

Recommended Reading

The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier, by Kasley Killam

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, by Priya Parker

Using Active Listening to Improve Your Communication Skills: Mastering the Art of Listening to Improve Your Conversations, Effectively Communicate and Listen with Intention, by Nikolas Mendez

Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, by Seth Godin

Citations

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The Art of Living: Enhancing Quality of Life Through Creativity

A spark that ignites innovation, the drive behind musicians striving to make new music. A magic key to finding new solutions to complex problems. Or used in our everyday tasks to enhance the quality of our lives.

“Creativity is seeing what others see and thinking what no one else ever thought.” - Albert Einstein

This month’s essays are about quality of life. What makes our lives better? How can we improve the quality of our daily existence? Creativity is an excellent way to develop quality in your daily routines.

Creativity is creating something new that did not exist before, whether your task is writing, sewing, woodworking, gardening, music, cooking, or science and technology. It is the creatives who innovate and move these art forms forward.

Using your creativity benefits your well-being; it creates new constructive pathways to the brain, benefits cognition, and can create positive feelings of joy and happiness. Being creative builds confidence, and you learn new skills. Creativity is a state of mind.

What is creativity?

Creativity is the ability to generate new and original ideas and connections. It has many forms, such as music and art, as well as science and technology. It comes from within but is fed by external stimuli.

There are many benefits to finding your creativity, such as better problem-solving skills, stress relief, and increased productivity. Creativity outlets can improve your mental health and mood. It can help you become a better communicator by enhancing your ability to express your ideas and emotions. Creativity is a highly valued skill in many professional fields which could lead to better job opportunities and career advancement.

Creativity and communication skills are closely linked. Communication can be more effective when you can express your ideas uniquely. Much of our communication is based on storytelling. Learning to tell stories creatively makes your message more impactful and easier for others to understand. Human communication is a complex process and creativity can help you find new ways to convey information.

“Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” - Dorothy Parker

Once you learn to harness your creative skills, you will experience more joy in your life. Exploring new creative outlets can lead to personal growth. Better communication skills can lead to stronger personal connections.

Through creative communication, we enjoy listening to and making music, which has a powerful effect on the human brain. We design buildings and clothing, paint, and sculpt using creativity for innovation. The colors and shapes we use impact on emotion and behavior. Often, creativity is symbolic, portraying meaning that cannot easily be conveyed in words.

Many creatives see the process as fun or play, even if attached to work. These activities generate a sense of joy and fulfillment for us. We do not see it as work, but as a passion, a fulfillment of our dreams. I am an artist to the core, and I see life as a big experiment; sometimes, rules are made to be broken. So, what happens when you color outside the box?

Intentional Living – How to Add Play and Joy to Your Day!, by Linda L. Pilcher

The Writer’s Roadmap: Setting Clear Goals for Your Creative Journey, by Linda L. Pilcher

Creativity and Flow

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a psychologist known for positive thinking and creativity. His book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, explains a mental state often found which when completely lost in creating. Flow is a mental state where you are fully immersed in an activity that gives you a sense of focus and enjoyment. Flow can occur in any activities you enjoy, such as art, sports, or daily work. It is sometimes described as being in the zone.

It involves a complete focus on your task with no distractions. A task that you clearly understand the progress and expected outcome. Time can cease to exist or slow down. You lose self-consciousness and become a part of the task. Often melting the world away except for what you are doing.

This zone is where artists, writers, musicians, and scientists dwell. But it can happen when you walk or ride a bike. When fully immersed and engaged in your work, this sharp focus enhances creativity. 

Creative individuals often engage in activities for their own sake, driven by internal motivation rather than external rewards. If you love cooking as an art, you will spread your creative wings, try new recipes, and new ingredients, and present or artistically display your food. Creative people often find joy in the process and will continue to engage in the task, innovating novel forms.

8 Traits of Flow According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, by Mike Oppland, BA, MBA

How to become more creative

You can become more creative through curiosity, embracing a desire to learn and discover new things. Inspiration comes from the most unexpected places. Being open to new experiences, new ideas, and perspectives. Willing to take risks, stepping out of your comfort zone. Innovation requires us to stretch to unknown places and mindsets.

Be persistent, follow your creative ideas and concepts even in the face of challenges and setbacks. If you are afraid of failure, you will get nowhere. Brian Tracey said, “It is not the failure that holds you back; it is the fear of failure that paralyzes you.” Push past your comfort zone.

Dedicate a specific time to focus on a creative activity each day or week. Explore new activities, try cooking a new recipe. Reading can help you cross-pollinate ideas and concepts. Get away from your computer and phone; creative thinking requires you to think or let your mind run free to find new ideas. When I am walking, ideas bubble up like popcorn popping. Sometimes, I cannot properly absorb them fast enough.  

Ideas are like butterflies: there one minute and gone the next, a fleeting glimpse of an idea or concept. Write them down and keep a notebook for ideas; it may be helpful.

“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.” - Joseph Chilton Pearce

Embrace your mistakes; don’t be afraid to fail. It often takes many trials and errors. That is the fun part. You become vested in the idea or project.

Put feelings and emotions into your activities. Creativity is not just for art and music. Some people can create a beautiful flower garden, a meal that looks and tastes like a masterpiece, or build a building that looks like a sculpture.

Conclusion

Creativity is a powerful tool that can enhance your quality of life. By adding creative activities to your daily routine, you can reduce stress, and improve and well-being. Creativity is not limited to world-changing ideas; it includes approaching your work and daily life in novel ways. Coloring outside the box. Henry Ford said, “If you always do what you have always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” Get out of your comfort zone.

It is about quality and personal growth. Getting more out of life. Thriving versus existing. Flow can occur in various activities, from sports and arts to work and daily tasks. It’s often described as “in the zone,” where everything clicks perfectly.

So, why not take a moment today to unleash your creative potential and see how it transforms your life?

“Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.” - Robert Bresson

“Creativity is a way of living life, No matter our vocation or how we earn our living. Creativity is not limited to the arts, or having some kind of important career.”

– Madeline L’Engle

Please take some time to listen to this video; it is an excellent description of how to be more creative!

How to Be More Creative, by Jim Kwik

Recommended Reading

The Art of Finding Flow, by Damon Zahariades

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The Structure of Scientific Revolutions, by Thomas Kuhn

Citations

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Empowered Living: The Intersection of Autonomy and Quality

Autonomy is our ability to make choices and to control our lives rather than being influenced by someone else or told what to do. It is a sense of freedom and is a fundamental human need. Taken from ancient Greek, the word means self-legislation or self-governance. People have psychological needs for autonomy, and when these needs are fulfilled, we experience greater motivation and self-esteem.

“No person is free who is not master of himself.” - Epictetus

Quality of life is our overall well-being, which includes our mental, physical, and emotional health. It is also strongly tied to our social health. Developing autonomy profoundly affects the quality of our lives and our well-being.

Autonomy involves making independent decisions that align with our values, beliefs, and goals. It gives us a sense of freedom and allows us to pursue who we want to be. Autonomy is more than just living according to who you truly are. It is about understanding and seizing opportunities for learning and growth, taking responsibility for your learning journey, and the freedom to decide what and how we learn. In following your interests, hobbies, and passions, you can embrace your creativity and ability to be innovative.

You are the greatest project you’ll ever work on. Restart. Reset. Refocus. As many times as you need. Just don’t give  up.

Our journey toward autonomy starts at birth and is shaped by our attachments and relationships. Our early experiences laid the foundation for feeling secure and supported, which influences our ability to make independent decisions as an adult. Parenting styles influence the development of independence; for example, overly controlling parents can stifle the growth of independent decision-making skills.

Examples of autonomous behavior

What does autonomous behavior look like:

  • Having established boundaries in a relationship to protect your time
  • Determining your career based on what you want to do rather than social expectations
  • Deciding how you will spend your free time, reading, time with family, or learning an instrument.
  • Choosing how you dress, your fashion, and hairstyle
  • Deciding your own religious, philosophical, or political beliefs based on your values.
  • Deciding to live a healthy by eating a proper diet, having an exercise routine, and developing a healthy sleeping pattern.
  • Being a non-conformist, not always doing what the crowd does, being your own person
  • Being able to choose your projects on your job and build your skills without constant supervision.

External influences on autonomy

Pressures from different societal institutions require us to conform to rules and regulations. Some are in place for our safety. We may not often agree with them, but we would be penalized if we did not conform.

Governments’ legal protections can enhance autonomy by creating laws that protect individual rights and freedoms. Governments must balance the good of the whole against the good of the individual. Decisions that protect public welfare but still respect personal freedoms. Regulation and mandates, although sometimes necessary for public safety, can restrict personal autonomy. The pandemic was one imposition on public health. Do you wear a mask or get a vaccine?  

If you live in a supportive community, encouragement and resources help you pursue your goals and make independent decisions. No matter what your community is, some cultural norms and values influence behavior. For example, when I moved from Los Angeles, California, to Hampton, Virginia, there was a cultural shock. It was like all the rules had been changed; different cultures and norms. Safe and secure communities allow you to feel confident in your environment, enabling you to pursue your goals.

The economy can dictate how you live and the quality of your life. A robust economy can provide vital access to resources such as education, healthcare, and housing, which empower people to make informed decisions and live independently. A strong economy influences job availability, wages, and overall financial stability.

Religious organizations can provide a sense of community, purpose, and spiritual guidance; and affect personal autonomy. Churches have specific beliefs and teachings, and members must follow these doctrines. In questioning these doctrines, a member may feel pressure to conform. The moral guidelines may include behavior such as dress, relationships, and lifestyle choices. Deviating from church teachings can lead to social stigma. So, fear of judgment may affect personal autonomy.

Social media has become a more substantial influence in people’s lives. We compare our thoughts to others as we see their ideas and beliefs broadcast. Influencers are getting rich by telling you how to dress, act, and believe. Celebrity endorsements of products that will give you everything you’ve ever needed in life. Beware, many are peddling their wares for money and fame. Think for yourself and decide what matters for you.

“It is not commercial success but originality and proof of autonomy which are admired.”

– Angela Phillips

How to develop autonomy

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” - Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Autonomy is a set of skills and attitudes, such as the ability to critically think through a situation and to appreciate different viewpoints. It comes down to a sense of self-worth and self-respect. It involves having the freedom to choose and take responsibility for the consequences of your decisions. Fostering autonomy in your life means promoting empowerment and personal growth. Being autonomous means to gain control over oneself and one’s life. Developing more autonomy in your life can empower you and create fulfillment. Here are some steps to help you cultivate it:

Take time for self-reflection and understand your values, goals, and desires. Journaling or meditating can help clarify what truly matters to you.

We design our lives by the choices we make. Identify goals that align with your values, so your choices match your goals. Empowering yourself to follow your dreams and goals will help you find your individuality.

The foundation of autonomy is to make decisions independently. Step out of the environment and determine how you want to dress or how you will spend your free time. Practice will build your confidence in making more significant decisions.

Learning new skills can increase your confidence in managing situations independently. Take a class, start a new hobby, or learn a language or musical instrument.

Ask for help when needed. Autonomy is about being independent, but knowing when you need help is essential. Asking for advice can be a sound decision.

Developing your self-esteem is essential for autonomy. Acknowledge and accept that you are a unique individual and that you can take control of your decisions. However, remember there are things we cannot control outside of us, such as politics, how people react to us, and the weather. Focus on what you can control.

Financial stability creates independence and is an essential aspect of autonomy. Take control of your finances. Create a budget, keep funds in a savings account, and don’t spend more than you make. Financial debt takes much of your control out of your hands and can affect your well-being.

Self-awareness regarding emotions, wants, needs, and thoughts is essential for autonomous behavior. You need to know yourself well to make decisions without outside influences.

Locus of control refers to an individual’s perception of the underlying principle causes of events in their life. Or belief in whether you are in charge of your destiny vs. whether you think your fate is essentially out of your control.

Autonomy in Psychology—What It Means and How to Be More Autonomous, by Kendra Cherry, MSEd

Conclusion

“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself. It is not far. It is within reach. Perhaps you have been on it since you were born and did not know. Perhaps it is everywhere – on water and land.”

– Walt Whitman

As with most aspects of enlightenment and personal growth, awareness is how you define yourself and navigate your daily life. How do you attain an authentic life? Think broadly about all areas of your life, work, recreation, and your relationships.

We all live within a social structure that includes family, friends, government, church, community, and economic conditions. Like every other aspect of our lives, autonomy is a balance between the people in our lives and our environment. We define ourselves by the choices we make. You can seek your individuality by defining your identity. Who do you want to be tomorrow? What choices do you need to take control of to become that person? When we feel autonomous, we are more likely to be motivated, engaged, and satisfied with our lives. This is because autonomy allows us to pursue activities and goals that are meaningful to us, promoting a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Early childhood experiences are foundational in shaping an individual ability to make independent decisions and act autonomously. Remember, developing autonomy is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself and take it one step at a time. Is there a specific area where you’re looking to become more autonomous?

Autonomy and quality of life are deeply connected. We can enhance our well-being and lead more fulfilling lives by seeking autonomy. Whether making our own choices, pursuing meaningful goals, or being involved in our healthcare decisions, autonomy empowers us to live life on our terms. As we navigate the complexities of life, let us remember the importance of independence in shaping our quality of life and strive to create environments that support and respect this fundamental human need.

Recommended Reading

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, by Daniel H. Pink

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, by Angela Duckworth

The Success Quotient: How to Capitalize on Your Own Hidden Formula, by C.K. Murray

Citations

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When Life Sucks – How to Find Quality in Life

The phrase “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” means you should try to make the best out of a difficult or unpleasant situation. It’s about turning challenges or setbacks into opportunities for personal growth and a positive mindset. I typically write from a positive mindset, and many of my essays may seem very upbeat. Yet I have lived my life in bouts between doctor and hospital visits. It has been a learning experience to live well, through the pain of chronic illness. This essay is not as upbeat because we all need to keep our feet grounded in reality to make our self-growth journey.

“The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about.” – Jonathan Harnisch

Life does not always go as planned. It is not filled with sunny days of running through fields of flowers. Dark days that knock the breath out of us, knock us off our feet. Everyone has these setbacks in life; it could be you or a loved one. These unexpected hits could be the death of a loved one, a long-term illness, or a sudden accident. Babies are born with complications, young children get cancer, and teens can have significant medical issues that did not show up as a child. These events and illnesses can hit with no warning.

Chronic conditions are an ongoing long-term illness. It may come with age or through an accident. It can cause physical limitations or disabilities. Some illnesses affecting us today are diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and lung disease. Diseases that often lead to pain, fatigue, and physical limitations. Living with chronic illness or being a caregiver takes a toll on mental health. These challenges and setbacks in life can affect your social engagements and relationships, causing loneliness and a feeling of being disconnected.

“When you have an invisible disease, your sickness isn’t your biggest problem. What you end up battling more than anything else, every single day is other people.” – Heidi Cullinan

One of the complex parts of life is that we are still determining what will happen next. The COVID pandemic was one of those shockers that kept going and going. We did not see it coming and could not have predicted the magnitude or how it would affect our lives. However, it showed that we each have the power to build resilience, to help us weather the bad times, and to come out stronger on the other side.

Finding quality amidst life’s challenges

Acknowledging and accepting your feelings is essential. Those feelings could be grief, sadness, anger, or fear. But remember, self-care is a crucial part of the healing process, and it is important to prioritize your well-being.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” – Michael J. Fox

My Story: I believe I had every range of emotions humanly possible. I cried, expressed rage, grieved for the loss of my health, and felt sad and angry. Going from being a highly physically active young woman to losing that ability was devastating. Dealing with the physical and emotional pain of many surgeries and recovery periods. Let those emotions out. Keeping them bottled up is not healthy.

Reach out to others, such as friends, family, neighbors, or a support group. Share your emotions with others who can provide comfort or understanding. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

My Story: I learned to ask people for what I needed. They showed up but were unsure what I needed, so they brought food. When you are ill, food is often the last thing you want. What I needed was companionship and someone to talk to, as long-term illnesses can isolate you from the life you had before. I learned to tell people I want to talk today or I do not feel well enough. Let them know what you need.

Seek the meaning and purpose of your life. This is critical during times of setbacks and challenges. Engaging in activities that matter to you can bring joy. These activities could be volunteering, reading, or spending time with family.

When the challenges are terrible it is hard to see the bigger picture. There are times when the struggle and the pain are by the minute, and that is what you focus on, just getting through the next minute or two. At some point, there has to be more, and you are the one who must find meaning and activities to get you through the hard times. Changing your focus to distract you from your situation can help, listen to music, or read a good book.

My Story: I call these bad times the dark days. Having enough energy just to breathe is sometimes more than you can bear. Yet, in the moments you can focus, find activities you can engage in, mine was art and music. It will help change your focus from how you feel to what you are doing. Distraction is a technique I use every day to keep my focus off the chronic pain to what I can accomplish with this day.

Care for your well-being, eating a proper diet, incorporating movement into your life, even if it is taking a short walk in your house, and getting enough sleep are the foundations of your health. Caring for your mental health is extremely critical when you are down. Find things that make you happy, or watch a happy movie. It is important to embrace the small joys each day.

Rituals and routines can help you manage the days. Giving you some control over the chaos in your life. These can provide a sense of peace, knowing what comes next. They can provide comfort. We all have these routines, but they can become a comfort when you are down.

Focus on what you can control; these are the only things that matter. We cannot prevent death, accidents, or illness. Things go wrong in life that we have no control over. However, look at what you can control. You can develop routines or set up time to engage with friends.

Navigating the Uncontrollable – A Guide to Qualify of Life, by Linda L. Pilcher

There is financial stress and anxiety that comes with chronic illnesses. Managing a chronic illness often means large medical expenses, hospitals, emergency rooms, medication, treatments, and doctor visits. This is beyond your control while ill or dealing with medical emergencies. I do not have any great advice other than to not worry because when you need to go to the hospital, there is no other choice. You will get through it.

Famous people who overcame significant obstacles

These people rose above their disabilities and found meaning and purpose. They were able to engage and contribute to life. The strength to fight comes from within, but having a support system is also vital to your success.

“Those who have a why to live can bear almost any how.”

– Victor Frankl

Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease was diagnosed in 1991; he continued as an actor and founded the Michael J. Fox Foundation to help find a cure.

Helen Keller became an influential author, political activist, and lecturer despite being deaf and blind from a young age.

Stephen Hawkins was a renowned theoretical physicist and cosmologist who significant contributions to our understanding of the universe. He was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) at the age of 21.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was struck by polio, which finally left him paralyzed from the waist down. This did not stop him from becoming the leader of the free world.

Ludwig van Beethoven was a German composer and pianist widely regarded as the greatest composer in the history of Western music. Despite becoming almost completely deaf by age of 45, he continued to compose, conduct, and perform. His later works are noted for their complexity and emotional power.

Frida Kahlo created some of the most iconic and influential artworks of the 20th century. As a child, she suffered from polio and later endured a severe bus accident that left her with lifelong pain and medical issues.

Conclusion

When life sucks. You have two choices when you wake up in the morning. Get up and live life to the fullest despite your challenges and setbacks. Or stay in bed and mourn your lost life. People all around you suffer from physical problems or other life altering events that you may never know about. People with disabilities are living full lives and some change the world. You can change your perspective to focus on what you can do.

“The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.”

– Vince Lombardi

My Story: Through my journey of hard times, I also became a caretaker for my terminally ill mother. In some ways, it was more taxing than my illnesses. The fear of watching someone you love dying slowly over years. The only thing you can do is care for them as best you can. We all face these challenges and obstacles in life. When you are a caretaker, your self-care must also be a priority.

Ask people what they need. If you are helping someone through illness or grief, ask them what you can do to help; don’t assume you have the answers. We are all unique in the way we deal with these challenges. People are often afraid to touch someone ill as they are in a fragile condition, but the human touch is healing. Ask if you can hug or hold their hand; simple acts of love are needed. Be there for them. Also, If you know any caretakers, give them some love as well.

This essay has been hard to write as it floods my memory of the dark days. In ways, I have medical post-traumatic stress disorder, as the past catches up with me in the most unexpected times. I am healthier now than I have been since I was 10 years old. I do still have chronic pain, but I have learned to live my life to the fullest, to find joy and peace. I radically changed my lifestyle and habits, seeking well-being, and it works.

No matter who you are and your life situation we only have one life. Try to do your best. Find the people and things in your life that bring you joy. Seek meaning and purpose, as they are tools that will help you build resilience.

We can divide the world into two types of people

I can people

I can’t people

Take responsibility and choose to push on despite your situation.

Recommended Reading

A Brief History of Time, by Stephen Hawkins

Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even, Disaster, by Linda Graham

Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges, by Steven M. Southwick

Citations

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Photo by Max LaRochelle on Unsplash

Navigating the Uncontrollable – A Guide to Quality of Life

Learning to focus on only what you can control will increase the quality of your life and empower you. Self-growth equips you with the tools to manage your lifestyle, habits, and choices, enabling you to thrive. Concentrating on what you can influence allows you to take charge of your life and reduce unnecessary worry and anxiety. This is the essence of managing your circle of control, a powerful tool for empowerment.

“What consumes your mind, controls your life.” - Kate Hewitt

Harnessing your thoughts and feelings is a management tool for focusing on what is in your circle of control.  

So first, let’s look at what you cannot control; we will use the news as a comparison to your life. We all have 24/7 news via our cell phones, iPads, TVs, and the people around us telling us what we have already read or heard in the news. The noise is overpowering and insistent.

The media are attempting to grab your attention amidst all the distractions to get you to consume their news. So, they have sensationalized headlines to scare you or to excite you. And we fall for it.

What are we going to encounter when we look at the news? Mass shootings, climate change, possible war, a brutal political environment. A few puff stories to make us feel good.

  • A hurricane is coming to get you, the worst hurricane we’ve ever had in the history of humanity. Earlier than usual, it’s more intense than normal.
  • We are in the middle of a presidential election year. Depending on the news station you’re watching, one guy’s the lead, and the other guy’s the villain.
  • Artificial intelligence is going to take over our lives and our jobs. It could be the end of civilization that we know.
  • Bubonic plague has shown up, or the bird flu will kill all of us.

I know you have seen these headlines. The media tend to exaggerate, so it’s essential to critically analyze what you hear and how it affects you. What is your response? Can you control this event? If you cannot control the event, stop focusing on it; use your energy for situations you can control.

“You cannot change reality, but you can control the manner in which you look at things. Your attitude is under your own control. Weed out the negative and focus on the positive.” - Helen Steiner Rice

News stories are there to promote someone’s view and make you think and feel a certain way. Many of these stories are someone’s opinion. Others are hyped up with partial truths. Many of the stories have no evidence to back them up. Yes, sometimes the headlines make us afraid, make us worry.

We have no control over  99.9% of the stories we hear. We cannot change the course of these events if they happen. We cannot pick who will be the president. We live in a democracy with one vote. We can vote, and that is under our control. Remember, much of what you’re reading or hearing on the news is speculation; much of it will never happen. We cannot change what is happening in our external environment. What we can change is the focus of this essay.

If a hurricane is coming through your area, you keep track of the weather report. However, you cannot stop the hurricane from moving across the land. A hurricane plan is in your control, shoring up your home and property and getting provisions for the worst-case scenarios. Or you can leave the area until the storm passes.

What you can control

We live in a complex world which often seems out of control. Because it is out of your control. Focusing on what is within your control can significantly improve your well-being and effectiveness. You may have seen this topic referred to as the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence. The circle of concern is everything you care about: the weather, events, politics, your child’s health, or your grocery bill. The circle of influence is the thing you can control.

Recognizing What You Can Control and Accepting What You Cant, by Sharon Martin, LCSW

Understanding what matters to you is vital. Pay attention to your desires, fears, and areas where you want more control. Through self-reflection, explore your goals and feelings.

Identify what is within your control. What can you influence, and what is beyond your control? Start with a list, a visual clue of where to focus your time and energy.

Identify what you can control Your thoughts & beliefs Your effort Gratitude for what you do have How you treat others Who do you surround yourself with

How to take control of your life: 10 ways to empower yourself, by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

Pay attention to the people you surround yourself with, as the people in our lives greatly influence us. Positive people who do not dwell on the daily drama can help you stay on track. People can also help you stay in the current moment instead of living in the past and the future. You cannot change the past or predict the future; they are beyond your control.

You control your thoughts. First, identify the thoughts you want to change. These thoughts could be remembering a situation or negative self-talk. Use positive affirmations. When you have distressing thoughts, acknowledge them, and explore whether you control this area.

Reduce your exposure to negative news, social media, and toxic environments. This includes the media and people in your life. Some relationships are harmful, and we cannot control the other person’s actions. Assess these relationships; what you can control is yourself.

How you treat others will affect how they respond to you. Control here is being kind and considerate or showing empathy. This you can do. How people treat you is beyond your control. However, keeping a dialogue with this person is always good to see if you can make a breakthrough.

Focusing on what you can control and letting go of what is beyond your control will increase the quality of your life. You can reduce stress and find more happiness and joy daily.

4 Easy Ways to Focus on What You Can Control, by Doug Cartwright

Conclusion

The point is, we can read all the news we want in today’s world. It’s hard to tell what’s true or what is propaganda or sensationalism, but we cannot control these events. By watching the news 24/7, you’re causing undue stress to yourself. The same is true for other events in our lives; we cannot control getting a raise or someone’s anger. My favorite saying is that life is messy. Becoming aware of your circle of influence can help you create a better life.

Politics and the economy do impact the quality of our lives. The weather can dictate short-term outcomes in your environment. We must acknowledge events beyond our control and build resilience to these challenges. Learn to accept the things we cannot control.

“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.” - Randy Armstrong

It is human to have a list of concerns. You may be passionate about child abuse or world hunger. You can take small steps to be a part of the solution. Join a group, volunteer, or donate funds. Do what you can.

I have been discussing the quality of life this month and the importance of living in the present moment. How do you find quality in a world filled with chaos? First, step back and shift your perspective. Ask yourself, is this something I can control? If the answer is yes, then move forward with a plan. How will you take control?

Take responsibility

The noise is overpowering and insistent. Focus on what truly matters. Remember, it is not about controlling every aspect of life, but focusing on what you can influence. By doing so, you will create a more fulfilling and empowered existence. It is about thriving, not just surviving. Focusing on and understanding what quality of life means to you is a movement toward thriving.

Recommended Reading

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey

The Quality of Life: practical guide, by M. David

Citations

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Photo by NOAA on Unsplash

Photo by Sunguk Kim on Unsplash

Quality of Life: Embracing Appreciation as a Lifestyle

Cultivating appreciation and gratitude can significantly enhance your quality of life. Appreciation is not just about people; it can be about learning to cook a particular dish, growing plants, reading a book, or hiking in nature. It is about an awareness of what you are grateful for in life. It means living in the present moment and exploring your feelings and sensations. What brings you pleasure and joy?

Gratitude is about acknowledging what is meaningful in your life. Focusing on the present moment.

Take a quick inventory of what you have gratitude for today.

  • Do you have a roof over your head?
  • Do you have enough food to eat?
  • Do you have a job or source of income?
  • Do you have transportation?
  • Do you have work, dress or outdoor clothing?
  • Do you have people whom you love and who love you?
  • Do you have a purpose or meaning in your life?

Consider how many people in the world do not have the basic necessities that you do. This is not that I am trying to make you feel guilty but to inspire a shift in perspective. By acknowledging what we have, we can break free from the cycle of comparison and find contentment in our lives

Building quality into your life takes effort but more than effort it involves your perspective on life. When you really look at what you have and can be happy with what you have, then you will find satisfaction. If you want things because someone else has them. It is time to question why.

Benefits to appreciation

How does appreciation affect your life? Well, people who are grateful for what they have experienced less stress, stronger social relationships, and a sense of well-being.

Gratitude is not just a nice sentiment: it is a powerful tool for improving your physical and mental health. By appreciating your life and the people in it, you can experience increased happiness, reduced stress, lower blood pressure, and better sleep.

Do you know that learning to appreciate life can actually enhance your brain health? By practicing gratitude, you can develop new neural pathways in your brain. The more you practice, the stronger these neural pathways become. Plus, expressing gratitude releases dopamine and serotonin, the feel-good chemicals in your brain, contributing to your overall sense of pleasure, happiness, and well-being.

By changing your mindset and shifting your focus to fully appreciating what is in your life now, you start living in the present moment. Appreciation could be your living or working situation, material possessions, or people.

This shift in focus can also help you see the good in people instead of focusing on the bad. Appreciating who is in your life, their views, creativity, and life goals. People are unique and fascinating. Embrace their essence and listen to their stories and ideas.

Shifting our focus from what we do not have to what we already have can foster an outlook of abundance and contentment.

How to appreciation

Keeping a journal and writing daily about what you appreciate allows you to focus and find clarity. Today, I appreciate a close relationship with my sister, the cool breeze in the morning, and the colors of the summer flowers. You do not have to write a book; note what you appreciate for this day. A journal will help you to focus on what truly matters. It will also help you to focus on the present moment.

Practice mindfulness, living in the present moment, and being aware of the physical sensations, sights, sounds, and smells around you. Take a walk and feel the ground under your feet and the temperature on your skin. This is how you notice the small blessings that you often walk past. Put your phone down and take out the earbuds. Connect with the world around you.

Express your appreciation to others. Take time to thank people and tell them how much they mean to you. One of our basic human needs is to feel valued. Practice telling people what you appreciate about them or how thankful you are for something they have done for you. Showing appreciation can motivate people to do their best. The people in your life are valuable. Expressing gratitude can strengthen social connections.

Conclusion

We design the life we want by the choices we make. Cultivating appreciation and gratitude can significantly enhance our quality of life. Intentionally learning to cultivate gratitude can lead to life satisfaction. Open your eyes and acknowledge today. Creating a positive culture around ourselves. Practicing appreciation can increase happiness, reduce stress, improve relationships and overall well-being.

Your attitude is vital in finding quality of life. Learn to appreciate the world around you. Embrace the new day. Only when we actively engage in life can we truly enjoy our life.

Appreciation is a powerful tool for building and strengthening relationships. When we express our gratitude to people in our lives, we show them that they are valued and appreciated. This simple act can transform our interactions and create a culture of respect and understanding. Pick up the phone and tell someone how you feel they contributed to your life or leave thank you notes.

Seek quality in daily experiences by living in the moment and connecting with the people around you. Remember, if there are things about your life that you do not like, you have the power to change them. How you treat others is very much in your control.

People need to feel valued. Listen to those around you. You need to consciously engage in life in the here and now and stay in the present moment. Showing appreciation is good for your mind, body, and soul.

Recommended Reading

The Power of Appreciation: The Key to a Vibrant Life, by Noelle C. Nelson, and Jeannine Lemare Calaba

The Gratitude Project: How the Science of Thankfulness Can Rewire Our Brains for Resilience, Optimism, and the Greater Good, by  Jeremy Adam Smith, Kira M. Newman, Jason Marsh, Dacher Keltner

Gratitude Journal: Invest few minutes a day to develop thankfulness, mindfulness and positivity, by Sujatha Lalgudi, Hippidoo

Citations

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Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash

Photo by George Liapis on Unsplash

Community, Compassion, and Quality of Life: The Impact of Volunteering

Do you want to do something that makes you feel good and helps others? Most of you may have volunteered during your life. If you are not sharing your time, you should look at the benefits and the types of opportunities you will find in your communities.

One way to improve the quality of your life is to make a positive impact and be part of the solution. You can change lives.

Benefits of volunteering

Volunteering is not just about giving back; it is also about having fun. Many opportunities provide a platform for shared goals and passions, leading to the blossoming of new friendships. We all need a little fun in our lives.

Giving back to your community can enhance your happiness and sense of satisfaction. You get a happiness boost. It can also give you a sense of purpose.

Volunteering allows you to use your skills and learn new skills. Many opportunities provide training and hands-on experience. Skills such as organizing events, teaching, or working with technology can enhance your personal and professional growth. It opens new opportunities. You can learn leadership and teamwork skills, which could improve your career. You gain new experiences without making a full-time commitment.

Volunteering may benefit your physical health by lowering your blood pressure and relieving stress. It may lead to a longer life span. Whatever you decide to do, it gets you moving. A sedentary lifestyle is dangerous for your overall health.

Volunteering is also good for your mental health. Meaningful and productive activities can help promote a more positive outlook on life and can combat depression. For older adults, it keeps your brain active.

By participating in volunteer work, you become an integral part of your community; you are not just a bystander, but a contributor, positively shaping your community environment.

Volunteering can provide a profound sense of achievement and purpose. The satisfaction you gain from making a difference in someone’s life or contributing to a cause you believe in is unparalleled.

Why do I feel volunteering is so important? Let me share my story. I have worked with women inmates, helping them prepare to return home through Friends Outside. Helped children and families, as a board member for Big Brothers Big Sisters, and volunteered in a hospital as an auxiliary worker in the emergency room. These experiences have not only enriched my life but also made a significant difference in the lives of others.

Types of volunteer opportunities

There is an opportunity for everyone to find something you are passionate about. Some volunteer opportunities require more time than others. Make sure you ask questions about expected commitments before starting a fresh path. Here are some types of volunteer opportunities you will find in your community, such as working with animals, taking part in community projects, mentoring young people, assisting seniors, engaging in green initiatives, and contributing your professional skills to causes you care about.

Volunteering at animal rescue and animal care sanctuaries, which rely on volunteer support. This type of volunteering could be a hobby or a stepping stone to a new career. Opportunities can range from dog walking or kennel duties to monitoring local wildlife.

If you want to see the difference in your time and effort, make, look at volunteering for community projects. The opportunity can range from park clean-ups to working with socially deprived community members. Large events looking for volunteers, such as parades or races.

Working with young people by building relationships and acting as a role model. Some programs are Big Brothers Big Sisters or Boy Scouts of America. You could volunteer as a tutor or use your teaching skills. You can volunteer to read books to kids at the Library.

Seniors in your community may need help; approximately 16% of the U.S. population is over 67. Many seniors live alone and need help with basic tasks. It might be as easy as asking a neighbor if they need any help. Many nonprofit agencies in your communities and churches have volunteer opportunities to work with seniors. For some seniors, having someone to stop by and talk to for a while could make a significant difference in their quality of life. You could help with shopping, using technology, or transportation to the doctor. If you are over 50, AARP has many connections to volunteer opportunities in your community.

Green volunteering involves actively taking part in initiatives to protect and preserve our environment. These volunteers give their time and effort to environmental challenges such as pollution, climate change, or habitat restoration. In my area, there are volunteer opportunities to preserve stewards and photographers to share the beauty on websites, group service projects such as invasive species, trash pickup, or improving hiking trails. If you want something other than outdoor physical activities, most organizations need help with clerical or computer projects.

Consider using your professional skills to contribute to skills-based volunteering. Analyzing data, creating educational materials, or helping with social media campaigns are valuable ways to support causes. I have helped nonprofit green organizations with posters and media materials for many years using my art skills.

Volunteering abroad is a rewarding experience that allows you to make a positive impact while exploring new cultures. Choose a cause that you are passionate about, where you can make an impact. Find a program, check out these programs, like Go Overseas, Volunteer HQ, and Volunteer World. Think about what country you want to see, the project type, and how long you are willing to commit. Some scholarships and grants can offset some costs. Make sure you think about getting the appropriate paperwork, a visa if needed, a passport, and travel insurance.

7 Most Popular Volunteer Travel Opportunities in the World, by GoAbroad Writing Team

The Best Volunteer Abroad Programs for 2024, by International Volunteer HQ

Conclusion

It is about getting out of yourself and looking around at what your community and neighbors need. Volunteering has excellent benefits, such as feeling good, learning new skills, and building confidence. Volunteering is a wonderful way to develop your skills and resume if you are young and just starting in the world.

If you are young and just starting in the world, volunteering is an excellent way to develop your skills and resume.

Volunteering increases happiness. Meet new people from diverse backgrounds with common interests. By working together on a shared mission, you can build new friendships.

It comes down to what you are passionate about and what activities you could become involved with that bring you joy. Volunteering is an excellent way to use the knowledge, skills, and abilities you have for the good of others. SHARE YOURSELF!

Green volunteering isn’t just about helping the environment, it is about fostering a sense of responsibility and actively working toward a sustainable future. Join the movement, make a positive impact, and be part of the solution.

As a volunteer, you are a role model for those around you, especially if you have children who tend to mimic what they see. Let them know that giving back to the community is essential. Volunteering provides valuable community service as the labor provided frees resources that can be spent on local improvements.

Check out opportunities that align with your interests and make a positive contribution. Your community volunteers strengthen the community. Remember, the right reasons for volunteering matter. So, consider giving your time to a cause that resonates with you! Volunteering can benefit your local community, broaden your perspective, and create lasting memories.

Recommended Reading

Volunteering: Personal, Social and Community Benefits, by Dr. Homayun Ahmadi

Make a Difference: America’s Guide to Volunteering and Community Service, by Arthur I. Blaustein

The Art of Volunteering: A guide to volunteering and to creating an extraordinary experience for volunteers, by Dr. Ihator Brown

Benefits of volunteering: 4 ways to feel healthier and happier, by HelpGuide.org

Citations

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Photo by Oxana Melis on Unsplash

Photo by The Tampa Bay Estuary Program on Unsplash

Quality of Life – Simplicity in a Complex World

What does quality of life mean? As with many topics I have tackled, it is your responsibility to define it. Each of us has a different idea of what quality of life means. But many do not take the time to think about this aspect of life. Often, it comes into focus when major life events happen or as we age. Yet, it is an essential indicator of life satisfaction.

There is beauty if simplicity

Quality of life (QOL) is defined by the World Health Organization as “an individual’s perception of their position in life in the context of the culture and value systems in which they live and in relation to their goals, expectations, standards, and concerns.”

Okay, a bit technical, how about quality of life refers to your overall well-being and satisfaction with various aspects of your existence? It is about your physical health, mental and emotional state, social connections, financial stability, and personal fulfillment. It is also about your material security and comfort, and freedom and autonomy.

Essentially, it’s about feeling content, fulfilled, and happy. It is an integral part of personal growth and development. Quality of life and self-actualization are reached by knowing oneself, by being self-aware, and by understanding your needs and desires.

In July, the topics will be about quality of life. Today, we look at simplicity. How does making your life simpler help improve the quality of your existence? As we move through July, the goal is to help you develop a definition for quality of life. What is involved, and what can you do to improve your life?

“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” - Richard Halloway

Quality of life has two components: those we can control and those we cannot control. Both affect our lives. If it is out of your control, you are wasting energy. You cannot change what you do not control. So, an excellent first step is to focus on what you can control in your life.

Let’s talk about simplicity. Then, we will return to quality of life.

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness, a Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger. In this talk, Waldinger shares insights from a study that followed the lives of 724 men for over 75 years, providing valuable lessons on what contributes to a fulfilling life.

Living on a sailboat – simplicity at its best

I fully understood the idea of simplicity when my husband and I lived on a sailboat. Our experience on the sailboat was a practical demonstration of how simplifying our lives can lead to a higher quality of life. We put our belongings into storage and set aside most modern conveniences for a remarkably simple life. On our sailboat, the Ariel, in Florida, we lived without a television, cabinets filled with dishes, couches, and decorations. We brought only a few belongings on board because of limited storage space. We embraced simplicity in our lives. A valuable lesson in realizing that we can live without most of the things we believe are essential.

Picture of people on a sailboat

Life was simple on the sailboat, but it was also incredibly rich. We both worked. But when we came home, we did not have grass to cut or housecleaning. Instead, we simply pulled the water hose over to the boat, sprayed the floor, and let it dry. We found we had much more quality time for life, our relationship and fun.

Our boat was anchored at a marina. On the weekends and some evenings, we would pull ropes into the boat and set sail. The marina offerd a built-in social scene, with weekend sailors and other residents living on boats. We were immersed in nature with seagulls, pelicans, dolphins, and the beautiful Gulf of Mexico. It was a life of simplicity, but also a life of quality time and rich experiences that I cherished.

This article is interesting if you want more information on living on a sailboat. Exploring the Joys and Challenges of Living on a Boat (msn.com)

Check out these thought-provoking questions below that help you look deeper at who you are, what you believe, and how you fit into the world. Soul searching is an excellent way to discover what quality of life means to you.

45 deep questions that make you think differently about life, by Julian Lewis

365 Thought Provoking Questions to Ask Yourself and Others in 2023, by Marc and Angel Chernoff

How to seek simplicity

You design the life you want by the choices you make. You can decide to live simply, with deliberate choices to slow down and consume less. Living simply does not mean giving up all modern conveniences, but rather making conscious decisions to prioritize what truly matters and reduce unnecessary complexity in your life.

Our possessions often complicate our lives. Decluttering non-essential items frees up mental and physical energy and resources. If you have not used it in a year, it may be time to let it go. Donate to Goodwill and recycle your unneeded items.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” - Peter Walsh

Evaluate your commitments. Let go of those commitments that don’t align with your core values. Are you overextending yourself? Look at your commitments and ask, does this support the life I’m trying to create?

Focus on a few essential goals. Prioritize what truly matters. When chasing too many goals, we leave little time to accomplish any of them. We have 168 hours a week; focus and prioritize how you spend your time on what truly matters.

Reframe your thinking by replacing negativity with positive thinking. Forgiveness and letting go improve your mental well-being.

Reduce debt, as it is a form of mental clutter and anxiety. Don’t buy so much. Ask do you need this item. Analyze your spending habits using a budget tracker. Identify areas where you can cut expenses. For example, if you are buying something every day, such as a special coffee or sandwich at a fast-food restaurant that costs $5,00. In a year, you have spent $1,825 on something minor.

Watch what you say, use fewer words, speak honestly, and avoid gossip.

Manage your screen time and allocate your technology time. Spend more time outdoors.

Find time for solitude. Don’t be afraid to be alone with yourself; seek stillness. Schedule quiet time. It does not have to be meditation or prayer; it can be a time without noise and distractions. Sit quietly on a porch or park bench. Just bask in the moment.

Manage the content you absorb daily; the media, what you read, watch and listen to can affect your day, your attitude, and the quality of your life. You cannot control what is happening in the media. We often create anxiety when compulsively listening to the news or following our social media feeds. Focus on what you can control. 

Embracing simplicity enables us to prioritize relationships, passions, and well-being. By living with less, we enhance our quality of life.

Quality of life

Improving the quality of your life is a worthy pursuit. Here is where to start. Yes, it is about intentional decisions and well-being.

Spend some time outdoors daily, feel the grass under your feet, and immerse yourself in natural surroundings. Sunshine triggers our skin to produce vitamin D, vital to our biological process. It can lower your blood pressure and boost your state of mind.

Spend quality time with loved ones. Prioritize meaningful interactions with friends and family. These relationships bring joy, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging. Reach out to your loved ones, call them, or set time aside for lunch. Nurture these relationships.

Take care of your body. Eat well, prioritize sleep, and stay active. Be aware of harmful ingredients in your diet and remove them. Adequate rest is crucial for overall well-being. Aim for consistent sleep patterns and create a relaxing bedtime routine. Regular physical activity boosts mood, energy, and overall health. Find an exercise you enjoy and make it a habit.

Seek purpose and fulfillment in your job, hobbies, or volunteer work. When your work aligns with your values, it positively affects your quality of life. Having a strong sense of purpose contributes to your happiness and life satisfaction. Purposeful living is linked to better health. A purpose also helps you become more resilient to challenges and setbacks.

Step back and see the larger picture. The way you choose to live is not the only way to live. Broaden your perspective by exploring other ways of being through research, travel, and discussion. A large subculture of people chooses to live on boats, in RVs, in campgrounds, or move to another country. Many people who let themselves live their best lives are extremely happy and well-grounded. Could your life be different?

Nurture your ties to your community. If you don’t have one, create one you can belong to. Join clubs or organizations. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a community, you have a circle you are a part of. Its members, loved ones, friends, or neighbors can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

Acknowledge the beauty that lives around you. Enjoy the small moments, the smile on a child’s face, the laugh lines of your grandmother, or the night sky filled with a full moon. There are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

Soul searching, my June blogs discussed meditation and journaling as a way of self-reflection. Getting in touch with your emotions and thoughts gives you a solid foundation for living in this world. Truly knowing your genuine self will help you define quality of life.

Conclusion

Quality of life is a worthy goal. Improving the quality of your life takes effort. You design the life you want by the decisions you make. You can develop an intentional living plan geared toward well-being and life satisfaction. It is important to remember that you should focus only on what you can control. If you spend too much time and energy worrying about things outside of your control, you are only going to cause yourself anxiety.

Simplicity is not just about physical possessions; it is also about mental clarity, time management, and intentional living. Quality of life will have different meanings depending on where you are in life, your age, social standing, personal economic situation. It changes. Take responsibility for yourself and add goals that bring quality to your life.

Focus on what you can control

Stop the rush – enjoy your life

Recommended Books

Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, by Tal Ben-Shahar

Simplicity: The Freedom of Letting Go, by Richard Rohr

Soulful Simplicity: How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More, by Courtney Carver

Elegant simplicity the art of living well, by Satish Kumar

Citations

Photo by Sarah Dorweiler on Unsplash

Photo by Artiom Vallat on Unsplash

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

The sailboat picture is of my husband and me

A Perfect Day – Becoming the Best Version of Yourself

You are the author of your life story.

Taking responsibility empowers you to design the life you want. Understanding what you want requires self-reflection or introspection. The way to know what you want is through self-reflection or introspection. In my recent blog post from June, I explored introspection and connecting with your authentic self. Finding ways to fully live in the present.

Believe in Yourself! Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming The Very Best Version of Yourself

At the end of some days, I say, “This has been a perfect day.” And it is true. As I get older and have learned to manage my life better, I have a lot of perfect days. Of course, I still have days that are just days. If we are self-aware, we can determine what attitude we start each day with, learn to see the sunrise and smell the roses, and spot those AWE moments.

We all tend to rush through our days. Most people do not sleep enough, so they become tired during the day. They are not eating nutritionally balanced meals or exercising enough. Self-care matters. How can you be your best self if your body is tired, and your food does not provide the vitamins and minerals you need to thrive? Through sleep-deprived eyes, it is hard to see that sunrise. It is easy to become negative and grumpy. It is a vicious cycle.

Another distraction to living life fully is our addiction to our gadgets. I see people on a hiking trail, looking at their phones the entire time. Hey, wake up; there is nature, the wind blowing the trees, squirrels playing, and birds singing. Wake Up! Life is lived in the present moment. If you spend hours in a digital world, you are missing your life.

Dedicate some time to reflect on your ideal day and envision the best version of yourself. The choices we make design the life we want. Time is limited – so spend it wisely.

Exploring our worldview is another essential aspect of self-reflection. Worldview is a term that refers to the set of beliefs and assumptions that you have about the nature and the meaning of reality. It influences how you perceive yourself, others, and the world. Worldview can also affect people’s psychological well-being, such as their life satisfaction, happiness, optimism, and meaning in life.

Worldview

A worldview refers to a comprehensive and fundamental perspective or belief system that shapes an individual’s understanding of the world and how they fit into that world. It includes our philosophical, religious, cultural, and ideological beliefs, which influence how we perceive reality. How we make sense of our experiences and moral and ethical judgments. Essentially, it is who we are and influences our big life decisions.

Today is the perfect day for a new beginning

It is a lens through which we observe, interpret, and understand the world. Our worldview is the answer to the big questions in our lives. Mainstream media, social media, family, friends, teachers, preachers – all have a stake in how you interpret the world. Your view is unique but heavily influenced by the aforementioned. If you are swayed too much in any direction, you will follow someone else’s worldview. Take time to understand your worldview, define it, and develop it.

Based on our worldview, we take for granted that what we know is accurate; however, is that the truth? How do we know? In his book Think Again, Adam Grant discusses how we can have faulty thinking; our assumptions and beliefs aren’t necessarily accurate. Through self-awareness and self-reflection, we can start to adjust how we view the world.

“If knowledge is power, knowing what we don’t know is wisdom.”

– Adam Grant

  • Embrace the unknown
  • Rethinking is a skill and a mindset. Learn to question your assumptions and seek evidence-based facts.
  • Embrace intellectual flexibility

How do we practice self-reflection

Meditation is a mindfulness practice focusing on solitude, sounds, images, mantras, or affirmations. There are several types of meditation, so you can experiment to find what works best for you. Some forms of meditation are guided, movement, visualization, music, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and spiritual.

Journaling expresses our thoughts and feelings in writing, which helps us to gain clarity and insight.

Music and sound meditation can affect our mood, enhance relaxation, and help us focus, making it an effective meditation method. Choose calming, slow-tempo music. You can incorporate music into other forms of meditation, such as guided or dance meditation.

Movement meditation is a physical action that grounds you in the present moment. It is about incorporating mindfulness into our physical activities. It is gentle, deliberate movements ranging from walking, dancing, stretching, yoga, or tai chi. You receive benefits from meditation and movement, calming your mind and body.

Spiritual meditation is based on religious traditions. The purpose is to find a deeper connection with a higher power. The practice could take many forms, such as prayer, mantra, chanting, or repetition of a specific word or phrase to deepen spiritual connection.

Body Scan or progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that helps reduce stress and tension by systematically tensing and relaxing different muscle groups. It involves your awareness of different body parts, one at a time. You can start anywhere on your body. This form of meditation takes longer. Tense a specific muscle group and clench your fist or thigh muscles. Hold the tension for a few minutes, then relax. Progressing through your entire body.

How to become the best version of yourself

“You haven’t even met the best version of yourself – not yet. The most healed. The most fulfilled. The most content. And meeting that “you” is worth fighting for. So, keep learning and growing.” - Topher Kearby

The best version of yourself means to truly know yourself. It would help if you asked and answered the big questions in life. Practicing self-reflection is a way of learning and managing your thoughts and emotions. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Who are you today, and who do you want to be tomorrow? Examine your values, strengths, and fears. Ask and answer the big questions. Ask who, what, when, where, why, and how.

  • What values are you committed to?
  • What does the best version of yourself look like? Project into the future. Who do you want to be tomorrow?
  • What qualities do you most admire in yourself?
  • What are your weaknesses, and how do you turn them into strengths?
  • What are your biggest strengths?
  • What scares you?
  • What are your struggles?
  • Are you self-sabotaging yourself? How do you get in my own way? Look at negative thoughts that do not align with your values and ethics.
  • What is the meaning or purpose of your life?
  • What makes you happy? What is your joy?
  • Who do you love, and who loves you?
  • What truly matters to you? Write a list and rank them by importance. Focus on the most important.

The big questions in life need to be answered so you can design the life you want. To create the life you want, it’s important to clearly understand your present self and future goals. Effort is required to bring about necessary changes. Think of yourself as a sculpture building the best version of yourself.

52 Incredibly Easy Ways to Be Your Best Self Every Single Day, by Lolly Daskal of Inc.

4 Ways to Become Your Best Self, by Susanna We-Pong Calvert, Ph.D., MAPP, RPh

10 ways to become your best self, by Elizabeth Perry, ACC

“Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and MAKE IT PERFECT.” - Aryn Kyle

 A Perfect Day!

A perfect day is one that you designed. A day in which you embrace life, take time to smell the roses, and practice self-care. A day of self-growth, lifelong learning, and compassion for others. A day of well-being, socialization, loving, and being loved. A day filled with purpose.

My Perfect Day 1. Wake up 2. Go to the park with my dog – take a hike 3. Meditate 4. Plan my day 5. A job with a purpose - Work 6. Write 7. Listen to Music 8. Take a walk 9. Dance in my room 10. Cook something good 11. Meet with friends or family 12. Work on an art project 13. Read a book 14. Attitude is everything What is your Perfect Day?

A Perfect Day is not an affirmation but a perspective on a day. A perfect day is balanced with what you have to do and what you want to do. It is a definition that is unique to each of us. It is about living in the present moment.

Conclusion

We have the power to design our lives intentionally. Effort is essential. You must take responsibility; don’t hand your life script to another. As authors of our stories, we navigate the complexities of thoughts, emotions, and relationships. Our choices define us. While articles and videos offer guidance and motivation, only we can define our best selves. We are unique, and we are all a work in progress. Our tools are self-awareness and continuous improvement incrementally. Change takes time.

It comes down to whether you are surviving or thriving.

A perfect day is one that you design.

It is about meaning and purpose in your life. It is about social engagement. It is about self-care. In seeking the best version of ourselves, we have an opportunity to design who we want to be in our metaphorical tomorrows; 1 year, 5 years, 20 years into our journey.

Life lacks perfection: setbacks and challenges will always be a part of our day. Yet resilience, adaptability, and a bounce-back attitude can propel us forward.

As we move into July, I will focus on discussions about quality of life. Quality of life is a crucial aspect of self-growth. It includes mental, emotional, social, financial, and overall well-being. It is about creating a more balanced life, including work, relationships, and personal well-being. Why is quality of life important? It matters because it contributes to achieving a fulfilling and meaningful existence. Please come along on the journey toward self-growth.

You are the author of your story – write it well.

Recommended Reading

I suggest adding these seven books to your reading list for the next six months. Then, as you move into 2025, you will be ready to set your goals and write your resolutions to design the life you want, creating the best version of yourself.

Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know, by Adam Grant

Atonic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, by James Clear

What’s Your Worldview? An Interactive Approach to Life’s Big Questions, by James H. Anderson

Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters, by John C. Maxwell

Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements, by Tom Rath

Arete: Activate Your Heroic Potential, by Brian Johnson

Resolutions Life Planning Tools, by Linda L. Pilcher

Citations

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Echoes of Time – Self-Reflection on the Past, Paving the Future

Introspection is thinking. Thinking deeply about yourself, who you are, how you became this person, and who you want to be tomorrow. It is vital to stay in the present moment, as this is where life takes place. Yet, we can learn to use our abilities to mentally time travel to the past and an imagined future. Traveling to the past is usually labeled memories, and future travel is often considered daydreaming or visualization.

"Reflect on the Past. Clarity the future."

In psychology, mental time travel is our ability to mentally reconstruct personal events from the past and imagine probable events in the future. The technical terms are episodic memory and episodic foresight or episodic future thinking.

So far this month, we have looked at introspection and how to spend time in the present. However, there are benefits to taking time to look into your experiences and projecting into your future. Of course, we do it all the time, but we are talking about intentional life. Intentional decisions on how we spend our time on self-reflection for personal growth.

Episodic memory, a key component of mental time travel, allows us to recall individual experiences or events from the past. It is like a mental time machine that lets you revisit moments, complete with details, like the time, place, emotions, and context associated with those experiences. For instance, you might mentally relive a summer vacation or a significant meeting with someone who became your best friend. The ability to travel back in time mentally can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth, inspiring us to learn from our past and shape our future.

When you envision your future self what you will be like in the future, you can make intentional decisions on how to spend your time on self-reflection and take guided tours of your desired life. For example, setting time aside to imagine your ideal job. Then thinking about what if. What would it take to get that job?

Let’s go back to journaling. My journals are for introspection, they are how I capture ideas and thoughts, past, present, and future. Also, my sister is a big part of my memory, as we have many shared memories. A trigger, and we both travel back to the same time. It could be 40 years ago, but we travel back to the same time. That shared memory is as real as where we are now. Tap into your family or long-term friends and explore a memory to more deeply understand how those memories affect your life today.  

Reflecting on your past experiences

By taking the time to reflect, we gain valuable insights and lessons that can shape our decisions and actions in the future. Understanding the importance of reflection allows us to learn from our mistakes, build on our successes, and ultimately become better versions of ourselves.

"We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience." John Dewey

Reflection also allows us to acknowledge and appreciate our growth and progress. It reminds us of how far we have come and the obstacles we have overcome. My journals are a big part of my past, as I have kept them since the 1970s. They contain my story, my hopes, plans, dreams, and failures. Think about keeping a journal. Ask questions. What can I learn from traveling back in time and thinking about the journey?

Once you take time to reflect on your experiences, you want to take those reflections and turn them into actions for personal growth. In previous blogs, I have discussed facing your demons. This means confronting the parts of yourself that you dislike. It would be best if you were honest in your reflection. Self-reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth.

Introspection takes time and focus; this is not something you schedule for five minutes as you watch TV. You want to take undisturbed time to remember the event and the emotions. We do not want to focus on negative events or emotions. The idea is to reflect and see how you can use the experience to move forward. How can this help you make a better life now?

Mental time travel to the future

Mental time travel is not just about projecting ourselves into the future, but about equipping ourselves with the tools to anticipate and shape what may happen. Introspection is geared toward thinking of a distant future and preparing for it. This mental exercise is a proactive strategy for personal growth. It can help us prepare for a future that seems unpredictable.

"You are actually pre-paving your future experiences constantly..You are continually projecting your expectations into your future experience." Ester Hicks

The future is shaped by what we do today. If you focus too much on the future, you might neglect your current actions and behaviors. Time projection allows us to per-explore different possible futures, it can help with decision-making, planning, and motivation today.

In her book Imaginable Jane McGonigal discusses how episodic time travel draws on past experiences, current hopes and fears, and your intuitions about what might change in 10 years. She stated that “Episodic future thinking” or EFT is often described as “mental time travel” your brain is working to help you see and feel the future as clearly and vividly as if you were already there.”

Visualization – Focus on Personal Growth, by Linda L. Pilcher

Where to start?

The Past

Self-reflection tools, such as relaxation, music, and journaling, are a good place to start. Who were you before today? What has made you the person you are today? In our journey for personal growth, knowing ourselves, our mistakes, and our victories on the path of self-development are a part of our story. We want to anchor these experiences from our past to help us design the life we want in the future.

Sometimes revisiting painful memories allows you to process emotions, find closure, and heal emotionally.

Looking back on your past achievements can help you set realistic goals. You can build on past success and adjust your path based on what worked in the past.

Once a significant part of your life then left behind, past passions may be worth revisiting and bringing them back into your life.

You can learn from your mistakes by examining your past failures or challenging the lessons to help you do better now and in the future. Think about how you can avoid these types of failures in the future.

The Future – What if!

Fear of uncertainty can paralyze some from moving forward. Dwelling excessively on the unknown can create anxiety. Take a mental journey into your future, seek clarity, and learn how you can grow and adapt.

Projecting ourselves into the future can allow us to set clear and meaningful goals. Visualizing where we want to be can help us gain motivation and momentum.

Think about the long-term effects, potential regrets, and alignment with our values. Imagining future consequences helps us make better decisions.

We can develop strategies and build resilience. Anticipating challenges or positive events helps to prepare us emotionally.

Future-focused introspection prompts you to evaluate your current path. Are you doing what you need to do today to reach your future goals? What can you do differently?

Self-reflection should help you develop a plan of action. What are you going to do to prepare for the future? Do you need more education? Will networking help you be successful in the future? Who do you want to be tomorrow?

Conclusion

Self-reflection is witnessing and evaluating our thinking, emotions, and behavior. Episodic memory and episodic foresight or future thinking are psychological terms that describe mental time travel. Episodic memory involves remembering details of experiences and events. Remember how you felt when you opened a special Christmas present when you were 11 years old? Happiness – remember! What was so special was it being with family, being loved, getting a gift, or the holiday’s religious significance.

"The most reliable way to predict the future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

We can intentionally use these memories as tools for clarity and focus. So, what do you focus on? That depends on what you are working on. Did something hurt you so badly that it left an emotional scar? You are an adult now. Explore that situation. You might make more sense of it and help yourself overcome a block. Or the event could be what made you happy. What motivated you to improve? How did you connect with others? Sometimes, as people age, we forget to make time for friendships. What did you do in the past? You can explore your passions, hobbies, or work expereince. What gave you joy?

Projecting ourselves into the future can help us pre-plan our path. It can help us set goals and develop a plan of action that will lead us in an intentional direction. We cannot control many aspects of our lives, but we need to take responsibility for the ones we can control. What you do today affects you tomorrow. Take action. Do you want to write a book, bring an invention to market, get more education – or do something that will get you closer to a specific goal?

Dream Big

The Writer’s Roadmap: Setting Clear Goals for Your Creative Journey, by Linda L. Pilcher

Remember, introspection is a dynamic process, and learning from these pitfalls helps us refine our approach. Time travel can be useful for examining your past and projecting your future. Both journeys can help you determine intentional actions and behaviors that will help you reach your goals. The bottom line is that we want to identify what is truly important in our lives. What are your priorities, and what do you want to do with your life? Who do you want to spend your life with? How are you finding meaning and purpose?

Sometimes, the answers may be in our past or our future daydreams. A part of success is seeing what you want and then making a plan and making it a reality. Whether we call it daydreaming, visualization, or future travel, it is a powerful tool. If you see it, believe it, you can make it real.

Let’s go get that dream!

Recommended Reading

Imaginable: How to See the Future Coming and Feel Ready for Anything―Even Things That Seem Impossible Today, By Jane McGonigal

Future Self Journaling: Unleashing The Power of Reflection and Project, by Grace Mastered

87 Self-Reflection Questions for Introspection [+ Exercises], by Courtney E. Ackerman, MA.

Citations

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